do or do not. there is no try.

I feel it necessary to blog quickly about dating. And more specifically, about asking people out.

In the days when I used to ask men to go with me to my various everythings, I definitely studied up, and spent some quality time philosophizing on the subject. And now, as a more or less frequent dater, I have come to accept a set of expectations when a person asks me out. And these are my conclusions, shared with the world because apparently the world struggles at times.

1. When asking a person out, you MUST do it live. By this I mean, they must be with you in person, or else live on the other end of the phone line (though in person is preferable). Emails, facebook messages, text messages, voicemails, snailmails, telegrams, Morse code, carrier pigeons, blog comments, and other means of communication are not acceptable. Ever. The logic behind this: some people don't check their email, their facebook, their voicemail. It's stupid to ask someone out and not even know when they'll get to finding your message. But even more than that, it's just rude. Leaving everything in a message is a way of foisting the responsibility for organizing the date onto the other person--and who here wants to date a person who would do that? Come on guys, haven't you ever seen Kate and Leopold?

2. When asking a person out, you MUST have a plan. It is never permissible to call a person up without having thought through the date first. To qualify as a plan, a date must have a time, a place, a date (in the time sense), and an activity. When you ask the person, the correct format is as follows: "Hey [insert name of hottie here], I was wondering if you would be interested in going with me on Friday night at 8 pm to Movies 8 to see Stardust?" Switch the exact wording as you please, but be sure that all elements are included. The logic behind this : first, nothing is more attractive than a man with a plan. Second, it's just polite to ask that way. The person you are asking then has all the details before them right from the getgo, and that's the way it should be.

3. When asking a person out, you MUST give them advance notice. Fewer than three twenty-four hour days is completely unacceptable. This, I feel, is self-explanatory: everyone has a life and it's rude to assume that they do not.

4. When asking a person out, you MUST receive confirmation of the date before going any further. Never assume that no response is a yes. No response is exactly what it sounds like: no response. Call back multiple times if that's what it takes to receive verbal confirmation of the date. Call the night before the date to confirm that everything is still all right. It's just the wise thing to do.

5. When asking a person out, you MUST do it with confidence. It doesn't always matter what you say as much as it matters how you say it. In my personal experience, I've not-dated a number of men I actually thought were decent, only because they seemed like pansies when they were asking me out. Nothing screams "UNATTRACTIVE!" like a man who appears to expect rejection. Why would any girl want to go out with a man who expects to be rejected? What does that say about him? And what would it say about the girl if she dated him?

I think that covers most of the basics. Essentially, what this all comes down to is respect, for others and for yourself. It's really that simple.

Amen.