still for a moment

I went to visit Jo yesterday. She seemed fine. She died a few minutes ago.

Pretty much, I'm done thinking, I'm done studying, I'm done, I'm done, I'm done, and yeah. I just want to get in my little car and drive somewhere really far away (and preferably warm!), and listen to music so loud it rattles your brain. Luckily I have to drive up to Bountiful momentarily. Just waiting to take my cue from Padre.

My mommy and Sammy and the Weasa are coming out tomorrow. I'm excited to see them, and partially scared. I've never been to a funeral with my mommy where I wasn't kind of like her sanity. It's because of all the people in this world, I think I'm the most like her. This time is going to be hard because the family is going to fight, and so my mommy will take Nana's side, because Nana will obviously be correct with everything, but then the cousins won't like it, and heavens, I just remembered my one uncle will probably show up to the funeral, and it could get really messy. He needs that money. Last time he was in town he threatened to kill us all. We kind of laughed at it, because if you don't laugh at everything you'll probably end up crying after a while, but honestly, I'm a little creeped out and I know he's not afraid of the law. Nana said we'd need armed guards at the family store if Grandma ever went, and I guess now we need them. Is that even cost effective? But on the other hand, it is the family store, and that's kind of sentimentalish or something.

I was thinking about it, and I was so sure that I was a Fire person because Sammy is and because that's how I tend to handle my life, but thinking about Mien Shiang a little deeper, I think that actually I might be part Metal instead.

So, yeah. I wish that things could just be still for a moment.