not a very good mood

My favorite grandma died on Easter, as I think I mentioned here. Just in time for four midterms! Hooray! So I failed two of them on Monday, and then began dealing with the other two today. Yes.

The family is more or less falling apart. Jo was a millionaire, and the cousins are fighting over everything. Little do they know that they have been written out of the will. Unfortunately for us, their father is wanted in seven states and has threatened to kill us, so that potentially doesn't matter--or even exacerbates things. They all find out on Monday.

On top of that, my other aunt on that side of the family was just rushed to the ICU last night and is still there. They're not sure what's wrong.

I haven't been to work in two weeks.

The viewing was weird. It didn't look like her at all. It was really hard and I'm not allowed to cry around my family because then my mom cries too. My cutie little cousins were there, which was good, and they had a piano they let me practice on, which was nice. My evil cousins were there and so my sibs and I took turns guarding the purses.

At one point this lady came in. She beelined to me and immediately said, "You must be related."

"Yes," I said.

"A grandchild?"

"Great grandchild."

"You must be Frankie's."

"No, Sydna's."

"That's weird. You look exactly like Frankie." And then she stared at me for, oh, the entire duration of her stay in the mortuary. Frankie is my dead aunt.

And then my mom started talking to me about her future funeral. I didn't really want to talk about it.

realization

Here is what I realized: my life is a soap opera.

still for a moment

I went to visit Jo yesterday. She seemed fine. She died a few minutes ago.

Pretty much, I'm done thinking, I'm done studying, I'm done, I'm done, I'm done, and yeah. I just want to get in my little car and drive somewhere really far away (and preferably warm!), and listen to music so loud it rattles your brain. Luckily I have to drive up to Bountiful momentarily. Just waiting to take my cue from Padre.

My mommy and Sammy and the Weasa are coming out tomorrow. I'm excited to see them, and partially scared. I've never been to a funeral with my mommy where I wasn't kind of like her sanity. It's because of all the people in this world, I think I'm the most like her. This time is going to be hard because the family is going to fight, and so my mommy will take Nana's side, because Nana will obviously be correct with everything, but then the cousins won't like it, and heavens, I just remembered my one uncle will probably show up to the funeral, and it could get really messy. He needs that money. Last time he was in town he threatened to kill us all. We kind of laughed at it, because if you don't laugh at everything you'll probably end up crying after a while, but honestly, I'm a little creeped out and I know he's not afraid of the law. Nana said we'd need armed guards at the family store if Grandma ever went, and I guess now we need them. Is that even cost effective? But on the other hand, it is the family store, and that's kind of sentimentalish or something.

I was thinking about it, and I was so sure that I was a Fire person because Sammy is and because that's how I tend to handle my life, but thinking about Mien Shiang a little deeper, I think that actually I might be part Metal instead.

So, yeah. I wish that things could just be still for a moment.

stuff

The funeral was good. I and my aunts cried a lot. I'm glad that installment of life is over. And on to the next one! My other great grandma went in for surgery on a strangulated gangrenous hernia this morning and wasn't expected to survive the anesthesia. I haven't heard anything, but neither have I had my cell phone on, I guess. That one is the grandmother up in Bountiful that I always chill with. I'm going up to visit her tomorrow.

Apparently my brother is doing poorly, which is, clearly, no surprise, so whatever. Midterms are in three days, or two days, or something like that... yeah. Anyway.

:o)

another funeral post

My other great grandmother just died. Not the one I always chill with in Bountiful, but one of the other ones. Her name was Lulo, Grammy Lu. Her name is Welsh.

She was a famous musician until her fingers got too gnarled to play and she became too blind to see anything. She played on the radio all the time, and wrote the most amazingly beautiful music.

I didn't really know her. I didn't expect to be so shaken up about her going. I think it's just that it seems like everyone and their dog is just keeling over these days, and the constant reminder of mortality is slightly disconcerting. Not really. Just in the context of my brother.

I don't really know what to think. I'm seeing my grandparents tomorrow.

In other news, this is a really good song.

week

This week keeps getting longer and longer O.o;;

On sort of the plus side or something like that, i fly home in exactly 6 weeks and 1 day. Which means my finals are over in something like 5 weeks and 3 days or something.

Also, hilariously, Someone got engaged just now. LOL! I almost died when I found out. I have to tell my roommate. ... I was about to say something mean but I caught myself. No hatin. When I say I almost died, I mean died... of joy, guys. Joy. Yeah. That's it.

:^P

cats

I miss my cats. Here are pictures.

This is BabyKitty


This is BoyCat

whatever

Around funerals I find that I always blog a lot, and then hate everything and delete it. So if you've read entries which no longer exist, that is why.

This weekend was weird. I did, on the plus side, discover 4 high quality radio stations in SLC, including 96.3, which is where I heard my first acoustic rendition of Lazy Eye by the Silversun Pickups, which is a really good, bordering-on-angry song. The acoustic version has less screaming and there is no guy part, which was kind of sad.

I think Speak for Yourself basically sums it all up. What a fantastic album.

Overall I got one (1) thing done which I had planned on, which was attending Yaya's funeral. Dead people are creepy. Amen.

and... even weirder

Okay, so as if that whole funeral-Bountiful thing wasn't weird enough! This morning I got up and checked my email to find that... well. Well. Well well well--the other day I decided I would write a book on conservative issues and so forth. This morning I got an email from a GOP political firm back East, and they want my chapter of College Republicans to head a project they're doing which basically involves writing chapters of a book on conservative issues! !?! ?!? What?! This is too weird.

I told them that of course we are interested. Even if no one else is, I am.

But whoa, guys. Whoa.

the updates of my life

1. So yesterday I decided that I should go visit my relatives in Bountiful. I made the arrangements, and then today I found out that last night, my sort of great grandmother in law (do you ever have those sort of partial relations?) died, and so my aunt and cousin from Nebraska are flying out for the weekend as well, and I will probably have to sing at the funeral. Funny how that worked out, ey?

2. My brother was supposed to go in for surgery yesterday. This is the official update from my mother: "So here is the bottom line: no surgery yesterday because they decided that their plan of action would not work and he is too injured from chemical burns to heal. So I have to deal with the burns for another week while they re-think a new plan. Here is my surgeon's statement: "You have to understand that individuals with this kind of long-term problem are really not long-term individuals." That is why we call him "Dr. Bedside Manner." James is doing badly and it was a pretty downer day. I am basically a wreck. Surgery has been rescheduled for next Monday at 9 AM, when they hope to be able to fix the current problem. The surgeon was adamant that there are no good options and that we are in "uncharted territory" -- James has lived far longer than the feeding system was meant to support and his body is breaking down anyway."

...

yes.

3. I've been struggling really hard to figure out whether I should intern with the RNC or the EPA. After asking for a lot of advice and so on and so forth, I think I have concluded that I should go with the EPA. It will make me so much more credible in the day when I go all out and destroy the EPA once my political career has been established. Then I can actually say from experience how terrible the organization is. Perfect.