okay, new thought

Okay, done moping on the vast ingratitude of this world.

My mom just emailed me--I guess my brother is doing way way worse. The briefing for those of you who don't know my brother:

1. He's two years older than me (22-almost-23), dying from a chronic degenerative metabolic disorder he's had since birth. He has been the major influence in my political development. Currently, he has had cancer 3 times (and currently still has it), permanent staphylococcus, muscular dystrophy and atrophy, constant tonic and grande mal seizures (we're talking once every 3 minutes since he was 4 years old), esophagal atrophy, severe myopia, and basically everything else you can think of. His rectum is 1200% the normal size (the organ is supposed to be about half an inch long, his is over a foot long). He is on untested doses of nearly every medication he takes. He has never been able to speak and his brain development is about that of a two-year-old's. He's almost died from too many things to name.

But now the problem is his gastric tube.

We took him to a wound specialist a few weeks ago, because the burn from stomach HCl has created a permanent burn around his tube entrance. For the past several years, it's been reasonable; obviously having a stomach constantly bleeding from acid burns isn't cool, but in the past it's been doable. In the past few months, it's gotten worse. The entire tissue around his tube has deteriorated. No one can do anything about it.

My mom is meeting with surgeons today to see if they can do anything about it.

In the meantime, pray we don't get socialized healthcare, and pray that James doesn't have to feel the pain. Please?

random thoughts

I have started this blog entry over and over again.

Suffice it to say that some people suck.

I invite Shakespeare to explain how I feel:

Blow, blow, thou winter wind,
Thou art not so unkind
As man's ingratitude;
Thy tooth is not so keen
Because thou art not seen,
Although thy breath be rude.
Heigh-ho! sing heigh-ho! unto the green holly:
Most friendship is feigning, most loving mere folly:
Then, heigh-ho! the holly!
This life is most jolly.

Freeze, freeze, thou bitter sky,
Thou dost not bite so nigh
As benefits forgot:
Though thou the waters warp,
Thy sting is not so sharp
As friend remember'd not.
Heigh-ho! sing heigh-ho! unto the green holly:
Most friendship is feigning, most loving mere folly:
Then, heigh-ho! the holly!
This life is most jolly.

yesterday.

Yesterday was... so exciting. Drove up to campus with Carl at 4:05 am, as usual. Got out of the car and realized I'd forgotten my power cord. Oh well, I thought, I'll just not use my comp today.

But then I realized that I'd also forgotten my work clothes. Good work, Allie. So I had to leave at about 5:30 to go back and get them. I stuck around to charge my phone and do some laundry and cleaning; at 7:30 I started heading back up to campus. When I was about halfway there--we live like 15 minutes away--I realized that I'd forgotten my cell phone. So I turned around and got it. At least I had my work clothes.

Then Carl and I watched Legend of the Seeker Episode 11, which was amazing as usual, and then I went to Organic Chemistry, which was mind-numbingly boring as usual. Then I went to work--

And I'd accidentally brought Carl's black shirt instead of mine!

Ah!

Happily, they didn't make me go get another shirt, because I already have like 5 of those things (that's what happens when you work at the same place for almost 5 years... the extra uniforms pile up).

But then I had to wear my actual shirt, which was lame.

The baking went all right, however.

~~~~~~~

Other than that, my final interview with Teach for America is just one week away (!), I get my stupid library course done today, and Y Publish tonight should be fun.

Lately I've been trying to think what to do with myself. I'm applying for a job at Envision Utah for the summer--urban design and TOD? I'm down. And experienced, yippy day. But it's in SLC. I'm not sure if I can get a full-time job with the Utah Recycling Coalition (my current other employment place, excepting the bakery). I could probably keep my part-time position, but who knows.

I don't really know what I want to do, or where to look for jobs. I know I'm qualified for a bunch of things, mostly because I'm already certified in Cultural and Natural Resource Management, and I'm getting my certifications in ESL Teaching and Pesticide Application on Turf and Ornamentals in the near future.

I wouldn't mind working in an urban design place like my old work at DCED, or working with landscape management or in a soil laboratory. I have issues with illegal immigration, so I could see myself being a little unhappy in a TESOL situation, even though I have a 4.0 in the minor. I have a bunch of publications out with CAI, so maybe I could go into management through them and get my PCAM or something (I think that sounds SO superfun), but who knows? So much depends on if we stay in UT for the next few years or if we get into TFA and end up in Mississippi. Or if we go to Korea or something. I was just invited to China with NSCS. Who knows? So much is up in the air.

What to do...

stress.

Life has gotten 100 million percent more stressful.

Gah.

I was going to write more about it, but now I don't feel like it. That just makes it more stressful. Wow.

Bleh.

It's okay: 12 more weeks. Really, only 11 and a half. 11.5 more weeks until graduation.

I can do it. I can do it.

the awkward moment.

Carl and I went to the downstairs of the Wilk to chill after his work. I was writing on my novel, and he was playing Hearts. On the couch kitty korner to us sat some random guy.

Well, Carl and I started talking about going away to Las Vegas for the weekend, to "put the wild and crazy in our sails." That's a phrase my mom always uses about going to Las Vegas. We start looking up hotel deals and talking about reservations. They're pretty expensive. I point out that last time we went to Las Vegas, we slept in the car. Which is true. We went there for Carl to ask permission to marry me from my Dad. We slept in the car on the way back (by that I mean, Carl slept and I drove).

Well.

So we're talking about that, and then we were reading the article I posted last, about Michelle Obama's Fashion No-No, and we had to look up a term that had an awkward meaning. So then we roffled about that for a while.

And then. Preface: every time Carl kisses me in public, I tell him that PDA is gross and wrong.

So.

We had to go to class, and Carl started kissing me there on the couch in the basement of the Wilk. The guy kitty korner to us was laughing so awkwardly, I pulled away. Then:

"Want to do something gross and wrong?" Carl asks, a reference to what he's already doing, which is general innocent PDA.

"Uh, no," I say. And I run to the elevator, hoping that one guy isn't watching. Talk about AWKWARD!

AWKWARD!

So yeah. Wild and crazy, Las Vegas, hotel reservations, sleeping in the car, bukake references, gross and wrong--yay. Yay. I'm glad that guy was there to witness everything in my life that could possibly be taken the wrong way. L. O. L. I'm sitting here in OChem and trying not to die of suppressed laughter.

Wow.

O_o

the new job.

One thing that many couples don't fully internalize before they get married is the idea of Finances.

At least, this is what several bishops told me and Carl while we were engaged. Actually, we'd been talking about finances regularly since before we even got engaged. But, you know, whatever.

So, as it turns out, being married is about 3X more expensive than being single. Lame? Yes. But oh well. Carl, being the man that he is, went looking for a job and found one: early-morning custodial in the Law Building.

That's why I'm blogging at 4:38 AM. Every morning now we get up at 3 and hop along merrily to work, except he works and I don't. I just do homework. It's nice to have those hours to myself to work. The guy in charge of everything lets me usurp the Break Room and basically do whatever I want until 8 am. Sweet.

Anyway.

Classes are all right. I'm taking 19 credits: Logic, D&C 2, O Chem, Soil & Water Quality, Science of Pesticides, Classical Civ, and English 315. It is a load, but I'm getting through it. Only 15 more weeks of school! But who's counting!

I'm still at the Sub, just baking away TTh. It's not bad this time. Because I'm the fastest baker, I always get off my shift like an hour early, or more. On the other hand, I need the hours. On the other hand, I'd rather eat less and not work so much. Oh well.

Other than all of this... third reception coming up this Saturday, so we're flying out to Oregon on Friday. No rest for the weary. Oh well. Then we get to come home and be done.

Our little home is looking good. We have a living room, kitchen, dining area, laundry, bathroom, study, bedroom, and exercise room, in addition to loads of storage space. It's pretty exciting and we're totally loving it. It's nice to have so much space. We're still settling in, but at least our living room is almost cleaned up. Hooray. We have a couch now, the coffee table, several bookshelves and a thing for the TV. Most of my art is up, including the amazing picture my brother drew. It looks like a photograph but it is actually a charcoal sketch.

So that's my life...

the long overdue post

So guys: weird. 200th post, end of the semester, Christmas, New Year's, and I got married!! There is so much to blog about!

Except for the whole Getting Married thing, the rest of the past while has been relatively uneventful. Just cleaned a lot, um, packed a lot... yeah.

We had the reception for the wedding the night before, on Tuesday. It was wonderful. We had Christmas trees everywhere lit up with white lights, luminarias lighting the way to the reception hall entrance, a chocolate fountain complete with waiters. Translate: it was awesome and you missed out if you weren't there. I sang Carl a song, with my bff on the violin and me on piano and vocals, and then Carl and I danced to Mon Essentiel by Emmanuel Moire, and my dad and I danced to Fields of Gold by Sting, which always makes me cry now. Aw. We cut the cake to I Think I Love You by the Partridge Family, also, and if you don't know that song you should totally look it up on youtube, on account of it being amazing.

So, yeah, it was good. We got married the next day, on the windiest day I ever remember. My veil was going kerAZY as we tried to take pictures. But I guess we got some good blowy pictures, from what I hear.

We spent our two-day "honeymoon" at the Washingtonian Center, which was fun. Two days is not nearly enough though.

So, now we're here in Utah, annoyed because things are not working out for us to move into our new place, so we kind of have to exist in this really retarded limbo for a while. That's okay. At least I have that Carl guy to cheer me up all the time. Le sigh.

Well, gotta run, catchya on the flip side--