where thoughts can bloom

pregnant!

2011-01-23T16:32:00.000-08:00

I haven't updated in forever--so here's a major update. I'm PREGNANT!! Our little Baby Doozit is due at the end of June. I'm officially 18 weeks along. I'm still flirting with morning sickness--I've actually lost 10 pounds since this whole thing started. But I'm sure it's all worth it. The worst thing is the Metro. On days I have to travel, I find myself wayyyyy sicker than on days I am home. At least that leaves me two days a week where I can kind of eat things sometimes.

If you ask Carl how we feel about the whole thing, he says "excited and terrified." But I'm afraid that's just him. I'm excited, and that's pretty much it. I was slightly terrified about that whole "birth" thing, which has admittedly sounded extremely painful, but I'm pretty sure I can handle it. And let's face it: Carl and I will be freaking awesome parents.

endings

2010-08-20T18:08:00.000-07:00

Today marked the end of my second-to-last week at my current work. I'm pretty much heartbroken to leave. It's been fantastic. Even though what I personally do there isn't that awesome--fixing blackberries and plugging in computers and stuff--it's been good. I love everyone I work with.

It'll be sad to leave, but okay because I'll be back--I'll have to visit at least once a week for my new job, so at least I won't be completely removed from the scene. And in my new job, I'll get to actually write and be published and strategize and plan for the future and make a difference. And all I really want to do is make a difference.

figuring it all out.

2009-09-02T11:26:00.000-07:00

Here is the deal.

I want a house.

Oh, I want a house very badly.

However, houses require money.

It's been interesting--over the past few months, I've made the subtle shift from the politics section of the bookstore to the business section. I've been reading up on everything. I think I could be a good entrepreneur, but I just don't know what to do with myself.

I have:
- my CD
- my calligraphy?
- my music/sightreading/piano/singing
- composition skills (music)
- writing skills, publication skills
- my knowledge of the environment, esp. DIRT (yay dirt)
- my...okay, knowledge of politics, current events, the Constitution
- my speed reading abilities

Hmm. Okay, that's all I can think of for now.

I'm working on writing a speed reading class. We'll see if it ever sells...

moving

2009-08-21T15:27:00.000-07:00

Well, kids, we're moving. Moving back to Maryland where the grass is green and the tax rate has chased every millionaire out of the state. Exciting times. I've been packing all day. We'll be moving into my grandma's vacant house this coming week, and then moving back to MD around the 3rd of September.

FYI.

the creepiest thing. ever.

2009-07-10T04:58:00.000-07:00

I've been meaning to blog this for over a week, but here goes.

My friends, sometimes creepy things happen. And I am about to tell you about one of those times.

Carl and I got back from MD about two full weeks ago. It was all jolly and good, of course, until we did the laundry.

Now, I will admit, I am a little obsessive compulsive about my laundry. Essentially EVERYTHING gets hung up on hangers and put in the closet, with the exception of, basically, socks. But, I can't just have my clothes on any old hanger: no, all hangers must be either plastic or crocheted over, because otherwise they leave those little hangermarks in the shoulders, you know? And those always make my heart frowny. :^[

So we were putting away the laundry, and I was hanging things up, and then, from out of my closet comes--

THE UGLIEST GREEN CROCHETED OVER HANGER IN THE WORLD!!!

At first I just furrowed my brow. "Carl, where did this come from?" I asked. I assumed it was a present or something. Sometimes people make those for me because they know of my OCD ways with that sort of thing.

Carl didn't know.

The hanger was old. It was looking a little raggedy, for sure. And so distinctive: bright green with a poufiness of random yarn coming off the intersection of all the wires. Kind of dirty. Obviously, this hanger had been places.

And Carl had never seen it before.

And neither had I.

And we'd just been out of town for a week.

When I was in Austria, I went to Girls' Camp with the stake there. I had my own personal translator and everything, LoL. But the girls tried to speak in English for me and the other internationals. And one night, they told this story that kept me awake at night for years, about a girl who didn't know that a cannibal was sleeping under her bed.

Luckily, we don't have a bedframe, so our mattress is right on the ground--crocheting cannibals was my first thought. I was glad to see that the culprit could not be sleeping under my bed.

The more I thought about this hanger, the more creeped out I became. It's not like you can exactly forget a hanger like that. I'm not sure it's even possible to forget a hanger like that, with its stringy, dirtied green yarn. Hiding in your closet, waiting for the perfect moment to strike.

And here's the thing: I cleaned out every closet when we moved in, myself. It wasn't that long ago. And I'm obsessed with using the correct hangers for all my clothes. I KNOW I would have noticed something like that.

And yet, it was hiding out in my clothes like it had always been there.

True or false: there are only a few ways for certain items to end up in certain places. Yes, I suppose according to the Heisenberg Principle there is some sort of chance that the hanger randomly materialized in between my dress pants and my T-shirt collection. But I also suppose it's a little more likely that someone put that hanger there--which, in a decent world, only Carl or I would be putting hangers there. But if neither of us put that hanger there... then how did it get there??

Oh wow. Just writing about that hanger is creeping me out all over again.

If you have a theory about how the crap such a creepy hanger got to be in my closet, you can post it in the comments. Because seriously, I can only think of two options (materialization, and crocheting cannibals).

vending machine emergencies

2009-05-19T12:59:00.000-07:00

Haven't been on for a while. I've been busy.

Today I went to the vending machines and for the first time saw a sign that said in the case of vending machine emergencies outside of normal office hours, you should call campus police.

I didn't even know vending machine emergencies could exist.

You learn something new every day.

wha...?

2009-04-29T09:10:00.000-07:00

I'm just sitting here minding my own business.

A few minutes ago, some lady came past me, yawning. I looked up, made eye contact, and smiled--something I usually try to do.

I was amazed when she started talking to me. I didn't think she was talking to me at first, but yep, it was me.

"I'm so tired!" she said. "But it's still morning. I have a right to be tired." Brief pause. "I was just up so late trying to find my card! You know. My card." Pause. "Good thing I live where I do. Cleaning checks, you know. You know. I have to go to an appointment."

She kept on talking. I couldn't take it. Eventually she left, and as she was leaving she passed some other girl and started talking to her.

This lady did mention something about Medicaid during the conversation, so I'm guessing there was a good reason for our strange moment.

And yet, I'm still a little weirded out.

Oh well.

"female impressionism"

2009-04-10T04:51:00.000-07:00

I was looking at this thing right now on gay celebrities (I NEED TO STOP FOCUSING ON RANDOM TRIVIA AND DO SOMETHING PRODUCTIVE WITH MY LIFE), and there was a caption on one of the guys saying that he was a "New York female impressionist."

Of course, my first thought was that he was a painter. He was, indeed, holding a painting in the picture of him.

But then the rest of the caption talked about how he was beaten and stuff for being gay and how he was dressed. And that's when I realized that being a "female impressionist" has nothing to do with actually being female or being an impressionist.

It has everything to do, apparently, with being a drag queen.

The news media... is so strange. "Female impressionism?" At least they could pick a phrase that doesn't come hand in hand with images of Renoir and Manet. O.o;;

UPDATE: A real female impressionist.

home stretch.

2009-04-07T04:19:00.000-07:00

School is almost over. The freedom is so close, I can almost taste it, except not really, because you can't really taste freedom, can you.

This week is stressful.

TO DO:
- finish amazing hard Soils midterm
- take O Chem quiz
- take O Chem midterm
- finish 12-page research paper
- give oral presentation (after I come up with a presentation)
- Pesticide Olympics
- Tea Party meetings every night at 5 pm in the Kennedy Center (you should come!)
- keep up to date on current events
- Soils quiz
- Inferno stuff
- write critique of someone else's 12-page paper

Hmm. And probably other things too.

Well. Life's okay. Oh yeah, I have to apply for a job. Oh well.

So anyway. Sorry if I'm lame this week.

Poor Carl had to stay up until 9 pm last night writing a paper, and then he had to wake up at 2:30 or so to finish it. My poor man. And we have to be on campus today until basically 6 pm. Yay being on campus for 14 hours straight!!! WOOT!!!!!

x.x;

Lesch-Nyhan thoughts

2009-04-03T03:54:00.000-07:00

Yesterday I went in the Bookstore. I was checking out this non-fiction book I don't know the name of, by the guy who wrote The Hot Zone. The last chapter was on something called the self-cannibals. So I read it, always being intrigued by anything that sounds that strange.

These self-cannibals are victims of a hereditary disease called Lesch-Nyhan disease. It's a sex-linked disease, which means it's carried on the X chromosome, much like hemophilia. Women don't get it, because they typically have another X chromosome to take over from the defective one; men do get it, because they only have one X (and one Y, remember?). They don't have a functional copy to erase the effects of the defunct X.

This disease intrigues me very much. You can tell if a child has it because right off they will urinate orange sand. Yes--urinate orange sand. It's from a buildup of uric acid in their blood. Lesch-Nyhan is basically the suppression of a particular enzyme that keeps uric acid levels manageable. Because of this, up until recently Lesch-Nyhan people would die of gout and kidney failure by typically the age of four. Now, most Lesch-Nyhans die around age 20, though some live much longer.

But the amazing thing about this disease is that the physical aspects of the problem are hardly the most devastating. And not only that--this other aspect of the disease has apparently no genetic marker. And sufferers of Lesch-Nyhan have the same exact brain structure as typical, non-Lesch-Nyhan people.

Lesch-Nyhan people are self-inflictors. Self-saboteurs. They compulsively destroy their own lives--even as they cry out for help. A picture in the book I was reading showed a boy who had chewed off both of his lips, and his own hands had torn out his palate bones one by one. These people bite off their own fingers, even as they scream for restraints. They beg for people to tie their hands to chairs. One man I read about used a fork to hack off his own nose--in a restaurant. As he screamed for people to stop him.

And this behavior is not limited to physical self-sabotage. These people are the cruelest to people they love most. You can tell a Lesch-Nyhan person loves you because they will never say a kind word to you. You can tell a Lesch-Nyhan person hates you because they will be extra sweet to you. If you ask a Lesch-Nyhan person what they want to do, they will tell you the exact opposite of what they actually want.

This is called a behavioral phenotype. It is amazing to me because I cannot fathom a disease that could sidetrack the most basic of human instincts: self-interest. I am incredulous at the concept of a disease that would cause a person's body to harm itself. And even more, I am amazed at the concept of a disease that would make a person compulsively lie to prevent his own happiness.

This particular disease is troubling to me. I wouldn't say my faith is shaken, but I had never contemplated the idea of a behavioral phenotype--a set of behaviors genetically predetermined that simply cannot be sidetracked. The mere existence of this sort of disorder is a strong argument for the third tenet of Darwinism, the one that repulses me to the core. The one stating that people cannot make choices, because our genetics predetermine everything about us. The one claiming that people are no better than animals, destined to evolve in the same way. The one that says that free agency is a mere delusion.

Because if there is such thing as a behavioral phenotype, who is to say that anyone truly has free agency?

If everyone's behavior is determined by his or her genetics, then there really cannot be responsibility. I remember this one time in an elevator, my own genetically-mutated brother reached out and grabbed some random girl's boob. Awkward. We tried to pry his hand off her boob (awkward!!!), and when it was over, no one thought worse of my brother, not even that girl whose boob it was, because we all recognized that James has no real control over his own behavior. You can't hold someone accountable for something they didn't choose.

Do you see what the issue is here?

I just have to wonder, how many of my obsessions are manifestations of my own behavioral phenotype? Arguably, all my actions are. Arguably, every choice anyone makes is really only a manifestation of predetermined genetic makeup.

And yet, if this is true, then what is the meaning of life?

Weird.

So anyway, I guess I'll come back to this post later. Anyone else find themselves bizarrely affected by the knowledge of this disease's existence?

Miss America Story.

2009-04-03T03:43:00.000-07:00

So, I have had limited contact with Miss America contestants--to my knowledge I have only known five--but is it just me, or are they all exactly the same? Only one I have met is not totally... exemplified, shall we say, in this story.

THE STORY

So this chick I'm working with for the Tea Party movement has her eyes set on being Miss America. She's running for Miss Provo this year. Anyway, we were trying to increase membership in the Tea Party movement. And as she went through her list of friends to invite them to the movement, she just kept on this running commentary: "Oh, this guy will hate me. Oh, this person will hate me. Oh, this person will hate me..." over and over until she'd invited 200 people.

"Allie," she said, "I just made 200 people hate me!"

So I go to her Facebook page and she only has like 204 friends. Which means I have approximately 4.5x as many friends.

"Don't worry about it. I made 500 people hate me this morning," I said.

She stopped talking.

Until then I needed her email for the group. She started spelling out something, and then she was like, "! Just kidding! I can't put that one up! I don't want people to know how old I am!" And so I deleted it. She waited. "I'm only nineteen," she said. "I mean, that's really, really young."

And then she kept saying that. Different variations, over and over.

So I finally said, "No worries. I understand. I was 16 when I started here, and I just turned twenty."

She stopped talking.

:O)

Here's the thing: if you really care about not letting people know how old you are, YOU DON'T EVER BRING IT UP. When you really care about the prejudice and random crap people put you through for being young, you avoid the situation at all costs. You would NEVER ever ever put your birthyear in your email, and if you had an email like that, you would just let it die out. Never touch it again. You would not be telling your greatest secret to everyone on the street.

Oh, Miss America contestants... when will you learn?

licenced.

2009-04-01T05:24:00.000-07:00

Maybe I spelled that wrong. "License" is one of those words that I can never remember how to spell (lisense? license? licence? wtf?), along with that horribly annoying word, exercise (exercize? excersize? exersize? wtf?).

I took my Pesticide Application exam at the Dept of Agriculture yesterday. Here is the dumb thing:

There are three tests. One of them, Private, is open-note and you can look at anything you want as you take the test. The other is Commercial. That one, you can't look at anything except what they give you. It's the same exact test, just one way you can basically cheat, and the other way you can't.

Well, I showed up with no notes, and took the test. Private. Because I am retarded. I had to take it closed-note and I didn't even get the licence that lets me work for hire with pesticide.

And beyond that--even though it was closed note, I took the tests in 1/4 of the time they usually take, and I got over 15 points more than I needed to pass.

So, I've been beating myself up on that one. I should just go back and retake it for a commercial license.

Last night we had a meeting about the upcoming Tea Parties. I always get so angry at those things, and then I just feel so helpless I just cry. Lame. Somehow I need to figure out what I can do that involves more than getting into arguments with idiots on facebook.

eh.

2009-03-31T05:38:00.000-07:00

I'll be honest--just blogging for the sake of blogging this morning.

The burn's okay. Looks progressively more disgusting as it heals. Carl has been an angel helping me take care of it.

I turned in most of my application to the Utah County Water Conservancy District yesterday. I have to get them my transcripts today. I really hope I get the job. It's $32/hour ($60k/year), and beyond the pay, it sounds fantastic. It combines labwork with teaching with research. I would keep vats of invasive species for study; check the drinking water of Utah County for drinkability; and teach lessons on drinking water quality. The facility is beyond fabulous. And it would make enough money for Carl to be a full-time writer starting out.

Today is our three-month anniversary.

Um. Tea Party meeting tonight, 7 pm W241 Tanner. That will be exciting.

I have nothing else to say, really. Sorry.

Actually I lied. Dropped SW yesterday. THe end.

burned.

2009-03-25T04:23:00.000-07:00

While baking yesterday, a pan slipped out of my hand, fresh from the 360-degree oven. Slashed into my left arm, on the underside of it, by my bicep. Immediately skin start peeling off.

We couldn't rinse it under water, on account of that there were no sinks where I could shove my entire left torso, so we had to go find a giant sprayer to cool it. The water temperature would swing from being really warm to really cold.

Then, for the first time ever, I had to fill out an accident report, since the burn was so long (5 inches) and 2nd degree. They apparently have to file some sort of thing that says what they'll change in the future so it won't happen again. I told them, I just lost my balance. CONFLICT! I don't know what they finally put down but I hope it doesn't make baking weird.

Then a SM took me to the Bookstore to buy a burn bandage, which they didn't have. So instead she helped me down to the locker room where I tried to change--changing your shirt when you have a giant burn on your arm is so lame.

Well, then the EMTs called, searching for me in all the bathrooms in the Wilk. Only I was in the locker room in the basement, which you need a secret code to get into. So we had to go back upstairs for them to treat it.

At this point, Carl decided that for once he would buy lunch at the Cougareat, and just as he got to the front of the line, my friend C came up to ring up his order. She recognized him and told him I had been burned and where to find me. He came rushing, and was apparently really worried when he saw the 9 EMTs in the fishbowl office, all crowding around me.

The EMTs gave me a burn bandage and wrapped me up, and then they all wanted to practice on me random things, like taking my blood pressure, and looking at my pupils, and whatever. Apparently they have a test on EMT-ing this week and wanted some practice.

So anyway, once upon a time, I got a giant burn on my arm, and all these EMTs came to the Cougareat and I filled out an accident report. It was exciting, and now my arm hurts. The end.

another post about my dumb job

2009-03-19T18:22:00.000-07:00

Just thought this was funny.

Just took a personality/career test. It told me I should either be a political analyst or.....

a cook.

Ah, baking....

[i r o n y]

my dumb job

2009-03-19T13:41:00.000-07:00

1. I took the opening shift for Thursday mornings, because the Thursday baker quit. I also work Thursday afternoons. I just miss for one hour, so I can go to class. Some other chick comes in to cover the ovens.

I always knew I was a fast baker, but this is ridiculous.

On MWF, baking typically ends from 3:30-5 pm. On TTh, baking has typically ended around 2-3:30 (I bake afternoons on TTh).

Today, I opened and closed, and I ended at noon.

Exactly noon.

When I am not hampered by slow bakers, I can finish the baking in under 6 hours. Honestly, from 6-9:30, I finished 4 entire racks of bread, and we only had 5 to start with. The next baker wasn't quite done with the last rack when I got back 1.5 hours later. According to what I had already done, if I had kept up that speed, I could have organized over 1,000 cookies and baked the entire last rack in that amount of time.

I'm bugged because if I can bake so fast, it means I get fewer hours. Which to me means I should get a raise. I can do the baking that would normally take over 10 hours in under six. To get the money I would need to get per hour based on how fast I am, I would need a $3.32 raise. According to my calculations, anyway--and since I dropped math when I was 15, my count may be dubious. But I think it's right.

Gah. Need a raise.

what is going on?

2009-03-18T10:44:00.001-07:00

So, I'm pretty much really confused.

Something is going on and I have no control in it at all.

I made it up through the final final interview for TFA, and they turned me down. Then, well-- well--

My professor asked me to come and meet with him about the grad school position I applied for. So I went. He had me sit down, and told me that I didn't get in--but the reason he wanted to tell me this in person was because of what a great candidate I was. Of all the applicants, I and the girl selected were the top two. They debated for a long time over who would get the position. In the end, the one deciding factor was the other girl's experience with sage or something. Dr. G told me that the next time he had a project come up, he would email me. And he told me that my "packet" was impressive enough that I should be able to get in anywhere that I would ever want to.

And he told me that even though I didn't take the GRE, my academic achievements were significant enough that he was 100% positive I would have scores "above and beyond" what would be necessary for anyone's program.

I was really excited at the time that he would think that of me--and now I'm a little confused. Now what do I do? No TFA, no grad school for me or Carl, no plan, no nothing.

Oh, and here is a funny tale. I got my Civ paper back, and I had an original A on the paper, and then the TA scratched it out and gave me a B because it "wasn't unique." So I had my actual teacher reread it, and he gave it an A+ and had only great things to say about it, and actually offered me the TA position for next year over it. Even though I didn't even read the book I wrote the paper on, I just read a lot of Wikipedia and used the index to find quotes. But he really liked my paper.

So, I don't know. My professors have always been really impressed with me, which has been nice, but... I mean, I have no idea what's going on. If I were really that cool, I would probably have figured out what to do with myself for after graduation.

Wtf.

The Roses of Success

2009-03-18T06:10:00.000-07:00

I have been missing this song! Here are the lyrics:

Every bursted bubble has a glory!
Each abysmal failure makes a point!
Every glowing path that goes astray,
Shows you how to find a better way.
So every time you stumble never grumble.
Next time you'll bumble even less!
For up from the ashes, up from the ashes, grow the roses of success!
Grow the roses!
Grow the roses!
Grow the roses of success!
Oh yes!
Grow the roses!
Those rosy roses!
From the ashes of disaster grow the roses of success!

For every big mistake you make be grateful!
Here, here!
That mistake you'll never make again!
No sir!
Every shiny dream that fades and dies,
Generates the steam for two more tries!
There's magic in the wake of a fiasco!
Correct!
It gives you that chance to second guess!
Oh yes!
Then up from the ashes, up from the ashes grow the roses of success!
Grow the roses!
Grow the roses!
Grow the roses of success!
Grow the roses!
Those rosy roses!
From the ashes of disaster grow the roses of success!

Disaster didn't stymie Louis Pasteur!
No sir!
Edison took years to see the light!
Right!
Alexander Graham knew failure well; he took a lot of knocks to ring that
bell!
So when it gets distressing it's a blessing!
Onward and upward you must press!
Yes, Yes!
Till up from the ashes, up from the ashes grow the roses of success.

me procrastinating.

2009-03-02T03:52:00.000-08:00

The Plant and Wildlife Science department at BYU is interesting. Several of the professors don't have graduate degrees. They're just old poor farmery guys who are amazing at soil science.

My boss, Dr. Hopkins, is a genius. He was recently in the NYT because of a new slow-release N fertilizer he's working on. I've helped him with the research. He's a really cool guy.

He told me the other day, being Friday, that if I wanted to go to grad school, I should.

Now, I hate school, but I think grad school might be okay because

1. I would be paid to go.
2. It's only 2 years.
3. It would be 100% Life Science, none of this wack "English 315" crizzap.

So, since I'm a month past the deadline, I have the next two hours to throw together an entire graduate application. Exciting!

Ah!

PS. LoL. There's this chick on FB who used to be in my Relief Society, and she always likes to write mean things about my posts on Obama. Today she wrote that I am "so annoying" and that I should "stop being such a hater."

To which I really have to ask: why not just unfriend me? Am I super missing something here? LoL.

fear not

2009-02-27T04:34:00.000-08:00

I am way less emo today than I was yesterday.

I hate school, but oh well! I was just offered a new job, and I'm checking to see if there are any community management positions around, because I know I'm qualified for them. My last class is offered in the evening in Spring, so I could potentially have a full-time job.

In the depths of my depression yesterday, I went to the BYU Bookstore to look at the book The Survivor's Club. I had never read it. And I still haven't, but it was really interesting to read about what makes a person survive or die.

For example, it was previously believed that people would die after having assumed a body temperature of 95 degrees F. One man, "Professor Popsicle," took it upon himself to disprove this idea. He has submerged himself in frozen water for hours, he has injected freezing water into his veins. He has proved that people can survive at the body temperature of 88 degrees F. What this means is that people in frozen water don't die from hypothermia; they die from fear and giving up. They essentially let themselves drown.

Yesterday I was ready to let myself drown.

Today, I am saying: W/E SUCKAAZZ!!

Because, that is the correct answer. I'm cooler than school anyway. Right? (Don't answer that.)

Also, my prof just emailed me and said that even though I missed the GRE, he would pull some strings to see if they'd accept my app for grad school anyway. I could have a full-time assistantship with the Plant and Wildlife Science Department studying the life cycle of farmed Wyoming big sage! Woot! Woot!

Perhaps life is okay after all.

AH!

2009-02-25T10:22:00.001-08:00

I just was emailed by the graduation police guys and they said that I can't graduate because PHIL 205 doesn't actually fulfill the GE I thought it did!

AH!

AH!

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

I CANNOT BE HERE PAST APRIL. I WILL GO INSANE BEFORE THAT

the other emergency, and other updates.

2009-02-17T03:52:00.000-08:00

On Friday night, Carl and I decided we were going to spend the weekend in Las Vegas. We planned everything, went to sleep, and got up the next morning at 6 to be on the road by 6:30.

Little did we know it was blizzarding.

Things were fine until we were about 100 miles south, right off of Scipio--I drove over some snowy road and lost control. We spun around about three times, and then careened backwards over the side of the road, about 100 feet. We stopped about 20 feet short of a ravine.

At first the car wouldn't start, but God answered our prayers and soon the engine started running again. We decided we'd try to push the car up, which was ridiculous because not only was the slope something like 15 degrees, we were very far down, and it was still snowing madly, and we'd driven over about seven bushes. I suppose we drove over them too fast for them to compress for real.

So we climbed up the snowy embankment and stood by the side of the road in the middle of nowhere. Carl called the cops; I guess a couple other people had seen us fly backwards down the hill, and the troopers were already on the way. Soon enough, a giant Walmart truck had stopped about a quarter mile past us; we watched as it backed up to be right across the street from us. The trucker rolled down his window and invited us to come sit in his truck.

So we did. His name was Al. Al the Walmart trucker. He wondered if we were going down to Las Vegas to get married on Valentine's day. We explained that we were already married. :o)

We talked for a while; soon the trooper guys showed up, and went to go inspect our car. They called a tow truck.

Riding up a crazily steep slope being pulled up by a tow truck is one of the most frightening things ever. Aside from actually falling down the slope and thinking you're going to die the whole time.

The tow was $200, and miraculously the car was 100% okay, even though it's a '94 Corsice that's been rebuilt twice (that sucker is old and has been through a ton!). So we finished driving to Vegas.

Once again, we miraculously survived. What is up with this week??

the emergency.

2009-02-13T03:47:00.000-08:00

Yesterday.

At 6:30 am I started driving to SLC for my GRE. It was in the heart of Provo when I realized I'd forgotten my purse. I turned around and drove for a while frantically before I realized that my purse was just under things. So I turned around and kept going.

Everything was fine until about 7:15, at which point

a) it started hard-core snowing, and
b) my contact fell out.

Magically I made it safely to the U of U campus, but I couldn't read any signs, so I ended up missing my exam. Then my husband wouldn't pick up his phone and my cell was dying. I couldn't stay at the gas station where I'd parked, so I had to drive perilously back to a fast food restaurant with an open parking lot.

Eventually Carl did pick up his phone, and he and my grandmother accepted the mission of picking me up. They arrived about two hours after I was stranded.

Then came the stress of figuring out where the heck my contact went. I was sure it was stuck behind my eye, which is a terrifying feeling. In the end, Carl went back out to the car after we got home and checked out the floor of the driver's seat. Sure enough, it was there, dry and shriveled and broken.

All in all, several miracles happened yesterday. I'm glad I'm alive--and that I have the best family ever.

best songs.

2009-02-12T05:01:00.001-08:00

Here is my list of best songs that ever existed, in sort of order, but not really.

1. Eye Conqueror by Third Eye Blind
2. Invincible by OK Go
3. When It All Comes Down by The Last Goodnight
4. Beautiful Day by U2
5. All the Way by Trey Warner
6. Amaranth by Nightwish
7. Incomplete by The Last Goodnight
8. Dani California by Red Hot Chili Peppers
9. Birds and Fishes by Venus Hum
10. A Good Idea at the Time by OK Go

I take the GRE in an hour and a half.

I am the conqueror
I taste your scent in the wind
I set my sail but then you sink my boat
So I begin to swim
Bash my foes until I win
Lances smash across the chest
That's my quest you wonder why
I will never die
The only thing I bleed for is you

Oceans of love
I've crossed them for you
In the Matrix of your garden
I find you in bloom
Now that you found me
No one's gonna get around me

I'm coming for you
Coming for you
Coming for you (Can we get this all together)
Coming for you (Can we get this all...)

Nothing I cannot do
There is nothing I wouldn't do for you
And you put me all through the worst
I am cursed with a light that's made to burn
That's where I shine
And now you'll be mine

Oceans of love
I've crossed them for you
In the matrix of your garden
I beg your pardon
Now that I've hardened
No one's gonna get around me

I'm coming for you (Can we get this all together)
I'm coming for you (Can we get this all together)
Coming for you (Can we get this all together)
Coming for you (Can we get this all together)

I am the conqueror
Byzantine mozaic in the heat
I am cursed, through the worst
With a life that's made to burn
That's where I shine
And you, you, you, you, you
Are mine, mine, mine, mine, mine!

Oceans of love
I've crossed them for you
In the Matrix of your garden
I find you in bloom
Now that I've found you
No one's gonna get around me

I'm coming for you (Can we get this all together)
I'm coming for you (Can we get this all together)
Coming for you (Can we get this all together)
Coming for you (Can we get this all together)

I am the conqueror
I am the conqueror
I, am the conqueror
I am the conqueror
I, am the conqueror
I am the conqueror
Am the conqueror

the worst experience.

2009-02-10T04:36:00.000-08:00

I was going to write this post about my O Chem test. So, I'll start with that.

You know, I've never had a test before that I didn't mostly understand.

I've never experienced that feeling of, "what the crap?" when I opened up a test booklet.

I generally never study, and just get A's, and I like it that way.

Well, for all that I do OChem really well in class, and I do well on the homework and haven't really struggled with it since I actually did the work that one time a few weeks ago, I really had no idea what to do with the exam.

Example: he asked for the original drawing of, and then a stereoisomer of and a constitutional isomer of trans-1,2-dichlorocyclobutane.

Uh, excuse me?

trans-1,2-dichlorocyclobutane????????

For it to be trans, doesn't it have to be 1,3-dichlorocyclobutane? According to the definition of trans?

I know what trans means. I know it. I know what cis means. That is basic chemistry anyone who went to high school chemistry should know. 1,2-anything shouldn't be able to be trans. On account of trans means that the substituents are diagonal from each other--it's 1,3 or nothing, baby!

wtf?!?!

So that's 20 points of a question that I clearly either didn't understand, or was written poorly.

Life sucks.

On the other hand, the worst experience was not just not getting my O Chem test. It was actually reading about Obama moving the census from an impartial third-party to the White House. He will personally control the redistribution of Congress and I for one am not pleased with that. An impartial observer should do that, not the most liberal senator in the history of our country.

Freak.

Oh, also realizing that the bailout will cost $60,000 per family in the United States. That was also a sad wake-up call.

Amen.

update

2009-02-09T06:46:00.000-08:00

The surgeons came up with a new chemical compound that's supposed to neutralize the acid in his stomach. It's apparently difficult to implement the compound in reality, and since it was just invented, who even knows if it works.

It all leads to some devastatingly hard questions.

For example:

One of my relatives has suggested just removing the entire tube and sewing up the hole. No more spilled gastric acid, yes, but he would starve to death.

On the other hand, arguably without functional gastric acid he still would starve to death, being unable to digest food.

If the whole thing is just to reduce his pain, which is less painful: starving to death, or having your flesh burnt through to the guts with hydrochloric acid?

I read Ann Coulter's latest the other day, and mostly loved it, but she brought up the case of Terry Schiavo. It's been a while, hasn't it? But in my bioethics class we talked about it. When is it all right to let a person die? Is letting a person die the same as killing them? Did that guy kill Terry when he unhooked her from life support? Or did he just let her die? Is he held accountable for murder?

It's kind of like my brother. We have a DNR on him: is it wrong? Is it right? What if we never had installed the tube? The tube is basically a form of life support. What is it that makes dying by starvation bad but dying by acid burning your guts out not bad? What made it okay for my parents to get that G-tube installed but makes it not okay to put him on oxygen if he stops breathing? What is it that made it okay for us to surgically prevent his rectum from puncturing his lungs, but makes it not okay for us to restart his heart if it stops beating?

What is this?

okay, new thought

2009-02-06T05:55:00.000-08:00

Okay, done moping on the vast ingratitude of this world.

My mom just emailed me--I guess my brother is doing way way worse. The briefing for those of you who don't know my brother:

1. He's two years older than me (22-almost-23), dying from a chronic degenerative metabolic disorder he's had since birth. He has been the major influence in my political development. Currently, he has had cancer 3 times (and currently still has it), permanent staphylococcus, muscular dystrophy and atrophy, constant tonic and grande mal seizures (we're talking once every 3 minutes since he was 4 years old), esophagal atrophy, severe myopia, and basically everything else you can think of. His rectum is 1200% the normal size (the organ is supposed to be about half an inch long, his is over a foot long). He is on untested doses of nearly every medication he takes. He has never been able to speak and his brain development is about that of a two-year-old's. He's almost died from too many things to name.

But now the problem is his gastric tube.

We took him to a wound specialist a few weeks ago, because the burn from stomach HCl has created a permanent burn around his tube entrance. For the past several years, it's been reasonable; obviously having a stomach constantly bleeding from acid burns isn't cool, but in the past it's been doable. In the past few months, it's gotten worse. The entire tissue around his tube has deteriorated. No one can do anything about it.

My mom is meeting with surgeons today to see if they can do anything about it.

In the meantime, pray we don't get socialized healthcare, and pray that James doesn't have to feel the pain. Please?

random thoughts

2009-02-06T05:21:00.001-08:00

I have started this blog entry over and over again.

Suffice it to say that some people suck.

I invite Shakespeare to explain how I feel:

Blow, blow, thou winter wind,
Thou art not so unkind
As man's ingratitude;
Thy tooth is not so keen
Because thou art not seen,
Although thy breath be rude.
Heigh-ho! sing heigh-ho! unto the green holly:
Most friendship is feigning, most loving mere folly:
Then, heigh-ho! the holly!
This life is most jolly.

Freeze, freeze, thou bitter sky,
Thou dost not bite so nigh
As benefits forgot:
Though thou the waters warp,
Thy sting is not so sharp
As friend remember'd not.
Heigh-ho! sing heigh-ho! unto the green holly:
Most friendship is feigning, most loving mere folly:
Then, heigh-ho! the holly!
This life is most jolly.

yesterday.

2009-02-04T04:59:00.001-08:00

Yesterday was... so exciting. Drove up to campus with Carl at 4:05 am, as usual. Got out of the car and realized I'd forgotten my power cord. Oh well, I thought, I'll just not use my comp today.

But then I realized that I'd also forgotten my work clothes. Good work, Allie. So I had to leave at about 5:30 to go back and get them. I stuck around to charge my phone and do some laundry and cleaning; at 7:30 I started heading back up to campus. When I was about halfway there--we live like 15 minutes away--I realized that I'd forgotten my cell phone. So I turned around and got it. At least I had my work clothes.

Then Carl and I watched Legend of the Seeker Episode 11, which was amazing as usual, and then I went to Organic Chemistry, which was mind-numbingly boring as usual. Then I went to work--

And I'd accidentally brought Carl's black shirt instead of mine!

Ah!

Happily, they didn't make me go get another shirt, because I already have like 5 of those things (that's what happens when you work at the same place for almost 5 years... the extra uniforms pile up).

But then I had to wear my actual shirt, which was lame.

The baking went all right, however.

~~~~~~~

Other than that, my final interview with Teach for America is just one week away (!), I get my stupid library course done today, and Y Publish tonight should be fun.

Lately I've been trying to think what to do with myself. I'm applying for a job at Envision Utah for the summer--urban design and TOD? I'm down. And experienced, yippy day. But it's in SLC. I'm not sure if I can get a full-time job with the Utah Recycling Coalition (my current other employment place, excepting the bakery). I could probably keep my part-time position, but who knows.

I don't really know what I want to do, or where to look for jobs. I know I'm qualified for a bunch of things, mostly because I'm already certified in Cultural and Natural Resource Management, and I'm getting my certifications in ESL Teaching and Pesticide Application on Turf and Ornamentals in the near future.

I wouldn't mind working in an urban design place like my old work at DCED, or working with landscape management or in a soil laboratory. I have issues with illegal immigration, so I could see myself being a little unhappy in a TESOL situation, even though I have a 4.0 in the minor. I have a bunch of publications out with CAI, so maybe I could go into management through them and get my PCAM or something (I think that sounds SO superfun), but who knows? So much depends on if we stay in UT for the next few years or if we get into TFA and end up in Mississippi. Or if we go to Korea or something. I was just invited to China with NSCS. Who knows? So much is up in the air.

What to do...

stress.

2009-01-28T05:41:00.000-08:00

Life has gotten 100 million percent more stressful.

Gah.

I was going to write more about it, but now I don't feel like it. That just makes it more stressful. Wow.

Bleh.

It's okay: 12 more weeks. Really, only 11 and a half. 11.5 more weeks until graduation.

I can do it. I can do it.

the awkward moment.

2009-01-22T09:12:00.001-08:00

Carl and I went to the downstairs of the Wilk to chill after his work. I was writing on my novel, and he was playing Hearts. On the couch kitty korner to us sat some random guy.

Well, Carl and I started talking about going away to Las Vegas for the weekend, to "put the wild and crazy in our sails." That's a phrase my mom always uses about going to Las Vegas. We start looking up hotel deals and talking about reservations. They're pretty expensive. I point out that last time we went to Las Vegas, we slept in the car. Which is true. We went there for Carl to ask permission to marry me from my Dad. We slept in the car on the way back (by that I mean, Carl slept and I drove).

Well.

So we're talking about that, and then we were reading the article I posted last, about Michelle Obama's Fashion No-No, and we had to look up a term that had an awkward meaning. So then we roffled about that for a while.

And then. Preface: every time Carl kisses me in public, I tell him that PDA is gross and wrong.

So.

We had to go to class, and Carl started kissing me there on the couch in the basement of the Wilk. The guy kitty korner to us was laughing so awkwardly, I pulled away. Then:

"Want to do something gross and wrong?" Carl asks, a reference to what he's already doing, which is general innocent PDA.

"Uh, no," I say. And I run to the elevator, hoping that one guy isn't watching. Talk about AWKWARD!

AWKWARD!

So yeah. Wild and crazy, Las Vegas, hotel reservations, sleeping in the car, bukake references, gross and wrong--yay. Yay. I'm glad that guy was there to witness everything in my life that could possibly be taken the wrong way. L. O. L. I'm sitting here in OChem and trying not to die of suppressed laughter.

Wow.

O_o

the new job.

2009-01-14T03:35:00.000-08:00

One thing that many couples don't fully internalize before they get married is the idea of Finances.

At least, this is what several bishops told me and Carl while we were engaged. Actually, we'd been talking about finances regularly since before we even got engaged. But, you know, whatever.

So, as it turns out, being married is about 3X more expensive than being single. Lame? Yes. But oh well. Carl, being the man that he is, went looking for a job and found one: early-morning custodial in the Law Building.

That's why I'm blogging at 4:38 AM. Every morning now we get up at 3 and hop along merrily to work, except he works and I don't. I just do homework. It's nice to have those hours to myself to work. The guy in charge of everything lets me usurp the Break Room and basically do whatever I want until 8 am. Sweet.

Anyway.

Classes are all right. I'm taking 19 credits: Logic, D&C 2, O Chem, Soil & Water Quality, Science of Pesticides, Classical Civ, and English 315. It is a load, but I'm getting through it. Only 15 more weeks of school! But who's counting!

I'm still at the Sub, just baking away TTh. It's not bad this time. Because I'm the fastest baker, I always get off my shift like an hour early, or more. On the other hand, I need the hours. On the other hand, I'd rather eat less and not work so much. Oh well.

Other than all of this... third reception coming up this Saturday, so we're flying out to Oregon on Friday. No rest for the weary. Oh well. Then we get to come home and be done.

Our little home is looking good. We have a living room, kitchen, dining area, laundry, bathroom, study, bedroom, and exercise room, in addition to loads of storage space. It's pretty exciting and we're totally loving it. It's nice to have so much space. We're still settling in, but at least our living room is almost cleaned up. Hooray. We have a couch now, the coffee table, several bookshelves and a thing for the TV. Most of my art is up, including the amazing picture my brother drew. It looks like a photograph but it is actually a charcoal sketch.

So that's my life...

the long overdue post

2009-01-03T15:41:00.000-08:00

So guys: weird. 200th post, end of the semester, Christmas, New Year's, and I got married!! There is so much to blog about!

Except for the whole Getting Married thing, the rest of the past while has been relatively uneventful. Just cleaned a lot, um, packed a lot... yeah.

We had the reception for the wedding the night before, on Tuesday. It was wonderful. We had Christmas trees everywhere lit up with white lights, luminarias lighting the way to the reception hall entrance, a chocolate fountain complete with waiters. Translate: it was awesome and you missed out if you weren't there. I sang Carl a song, with my bff on the violin and me on piano and vocals, and then Carl and I danced to Mon Essentiel by Emmanuel Moire, and my dad and I danced to Fields of Gold by Sting, which always makes me cry now. Aw. We cut the cake to I Think I Love You by the Partridge Family, also, and if you don't know that song you should totally look it up on youtube, on account of it being amazing.

So, yeah, it was good. We got married the next day, on the windiest day I ever remember. My veil was going kerAZY as we tried to take pictures. But I guess we got some good blowy pictures, from what I hear.

We spent our two-day "honeymoon" at the Washingtonian Center, which was fun. Two days is not nearly enough though.

So, now we're here in Utah, annoyed because things are not working out for us to move into our new place, so we kind of have to exist in this really retarded limbo for a while. That's okay. At least I have that Carl guy to cheer me up all the time. Le sigh.

Well, gotta run, catchya on the flip side--

A HOME!!!

2008-12-15T22:03:00.000-08:00

WE HAVE A HOME!!!!!!!

After weeks of searching and feeling lost and confused, we have FOUND A HOME!

YAY CARL!

Our new residence is right on Center and Main in Springville. It's a great and spacious 3-bedroom, with free heat and water and parking, and holy cow. We are so blessed. It's going to be fantastic. And hey, we'll have two extra bedrooms. Awesome opossums.

In other news, I took my 4 finals today (one left for tomorrow, which I'm mostly determined to not bother with). It was super stressful, and I'm SO glad they're over. I took Land Use Planning/Urban Design, then Beginning Soils/Soil Chemistry, then Ecology, and then Grammar of the English Language. And then we went house shopping and I started applying for the TESOL program here at BYU.

Oh boy.

So anyway, funtimes.

LOVE!

interesting...

2008-12-13T07:33:00.001-08:00

Taken from The "Silent Majority No More."

Which party is more corrupt? Maybe you’ve seen lists. The National Taxpayer’s Union has a pretty good list http://www.ntu.org/main/press.php?PressID=343.

The NTU’s gripe, though, is not which party is more corrupt, but that Congressmen who are convicted felons continue to collect their very generous congressional pensions.
The NTU’s list is of “Members of Congress Who Were Convicted of or Pled Guilty to Major Offenses, 1992-1999.” NTU staffers had to compile the list from Washington Post archives and Congressional Quarterly Yearly Almanacs. (It takes real work to compile an apples-to-apples, fair list.) Here is that list:

* Nick Mavroules (D-MA). Tax evasion, accepting illegal gratuity, 1992.
* Albert Bustamante (D-TX). Racketeering, 1993.
* Carroll Hubbard (D-KY). Fraud and corruption, 1994.
* Carl Perkins (D-KY). Fraud, 1994.
* Charlie Rose (D-NC). Agreed to pay fine for financial disclosure irregularities, 1994.
* Larry Smith (D-FL). Tax evasion, 1994.
* Dave Durenberger (R-MN). Financial disclosure misdemeanor, 1995.
* Walter Fauntroy (D-DC Delegate). Financial disclosure misdemeanor, 1995.
* Gerald Kleczka (D-WI). Convicted of DWI, 1987. Arrested for DWI, 1990 and 1995.
* Mel Reynolds (D-IL). Sexual misconduct, 1995.
* Walter Tucker (D-CA). Extortion, 1995.
* Charles Wilson (D-TX). Agreed to pay fine to Federal Election Commission, 1995.
* Joe Kolter (D-PA). Fraud and conspiracy, 1996.
* Dan Rostenkowski (D-IL). Mail fraud, 1996.
* Wes Cooley (R-OR). Lying about war record in official voter pamphlet, 1997.
* Jay Kim (R-CA). Campaign finance violations, 1998.
* Mary Rose Oakar (D-OH). Financial disclosure irregularities, 1998.
* Austin J. Murphy (D-PA). Voter fraud, 1999.

By my count: 15 Democrats, 3 Republicans. Since then, we can add James Traficant (D-OH) and Randall Cunningham (R-CA). Call the score 16 to 4, Democrats leading.

That would make Democrats 4 times (or 300%) more corrupt than Republicans.

If you have a better list, contact (randall.hoven@gmail.com). But please, make sure the list is apples-to-apples.The NTU’s list, for example, is only among US Congressmen and only for convictions of or guilty pleas to major offenses.

how BYU are you?

2008-12-11T22:41:00.000-08:00

I stole it from Chilleh.

How BYU are you?

77 questions.

[X] You have been kissed at lease once
[_] Your first kiss was on campus
[X] You've had a boyfriend/girlfriend
[x] You lived in the dorms your freshman year
[x] You went to Homecoming or Preference
[x] You hiked the Y
[_] You've taken a social dance class
[x] You regularly attended FHE for at least a semester (I was the FHE mom, I had to)
[x] You've participated in Choose to Give
[_] You've been to Liberty Square for a party at least once
[x] You've driven around south of campus for at least 20 minutes trying to find a parking spot
[_] You know the cougar fight song
[x] You've crossed the crosswalk without using the flags or biked through a red light
[x] You've been to Friday Night Live
[_] You've performed or witnessed an act that made it onto Police Beat
[_] You've been on a "date" to the bell tower or duck pond
[x] You've been to the Bean Museum for FHE
[X] You've been to Divine Comedy
[x] You've been to International Cinema
[x] You are engaged
[_] You are married
[_] ...in the temple
[_] You were previously engaged/married
[_] You have kids or are expecting kids
[X] Your birth parents are still married (trick question there, I'm counting it)
[X] ...in the temple
[x] You have at least three siblings
[_] You've taken a marriage prep or relations class
[x] You've taken at least one religion class that is not based on the scriptures
[X] You have slept on a couch in a restroom
[X] You have been to the BYU Creamery
[_] You have been in one of the BYU choirs
[_] You've been on a date to Fat Cats
[X] You have read Twilight
[X] ...book 2
[x] ...book 3
[x] ...book 4
[x] ...seen the movie
[x] ...more than once
[_] You've waited in line at the Bookstore for the Harry Potter or Twilight book premiere
[X] You have seen The Singles Ward or Sons of Provo
[_] You have walked out of a movie you found morally reprehensible
[X] You know where the "chastity line" is
[X] You can finish the phrase "Nothing good happens after ______"
[_] You read the Daily Universe at least 3x a week
[_] ...and it's the only newspaper you read
[x] You've personally known someone who was reported to the Honor Code Office
[_] You've participated in or watched a Mr. BYU contest
[X] You've received personal revelation that he/she is "the one" (or been told this)
[X] ...and told him/her about your revelation (or been told this)
[_] ...and then they rejected you (or rejected them)
[_] You've been to the Nickelcade
[_] You've been to Classic Skating
[X] You've ignored your parents' phone calls for at least 3 days
[_] ...and then they called the University Police
[X] You've been pulled over by the University Police
[x] You watch The Office religiously
[x] You mostly wear jeans and t-shirts or plain fitted shirts
[_] You own at least 3 things from American Eagle or Hollister
[_] Your sacrament meeting is a fashion show/scam session
[_] You've been on a date to the Provo River

You've kissed in a...
[X] ...campus parking lot
[_] ...Provo Canyon or Squaw Peak
[_] ...on temple grounds
[X] ...on a couch as soon as your roommates left the room
[X] You think UVU is not a real university
[_] You hate U of U with a passion

FOR GIRLS (don't answer if you're a guy)
[_] You own knee-length shorts
[X] You regularly wear camisoles/undershirts for modesty reasons
[_] You are a MFHD, RMYL, Elementary Education, or Exercise Science Major
[_] Your major crush ended up dating a MFHD, RMYL, Elementary Education, or Exercise Science major
[x] You have had at least one roommate who is in hair or dental school
[_] You own The Italian Job or The Princess Bride
[X] You wear makeup at least 3x a week
[x] You do something with your hair (other than brush it/ponytail) at least 3x a week
[_] You went or plan on going on a mission
[_] ...because you couldn't get married

FOR GUYS (don't answer if you're a girl)
[_] You shave every (or almost every) morning
[_] You know when your hair is "too long"
[_] You know what the "divide by 2 and add 7" dating rule is
[_] ...and you follow it
[_] You've dated freshmen girls as a RM
[_] ...when you already knew better
[_] You've used the phrase "On my mission..." to a girl
[_] At least 3 girls have baked cookies or meals for you
[_] You went or plan on going on a mission
[_] ...because you wanted to get married

TOTAL:

A: 68-77
B: 60-67
C: 53-66
D: 45-52
F: 44 or below

Just barely got a 44. Oh well.

bridal shower! woo!!1

2008-12-11T22:25:00.000-08:00

So, just finished my bridal shower. It went from 7:30 to about 11:30, mostly because of gabbing. You know.

We played a game where I had to guess the answers to a whole bunch of questions about Carl, which Carl had answered. Some of them I thought were a little lame, such as the one that asked for 3 things that made him happy, and The Blazers didn't count. Lame-o. Because obviously besides me and writing, the Blazers... yeah. Oh well. I ended up mostly winning. Ones I got wrong: his favorite poem, his favorite author, and who he wants to be like in his career, or whatever.

A good one was when they asked if he wanted a pet, and if so, what kind. My answer was that he didn't really want a pet but that he would let me have a cat. They let me have it even though the answer didn't say he would let me have a cat.

So, we opened presents. My aunt L gave me a toaster oven and honey, inspired by how much toast I eat. It's hard because her daughter is Celiac, and so I'm afraid to eat anything lest it is made with some obscure kind of flour or whatever. So I just eat toast with honey, all the time. So that was nice.

My uncle Bob sent me all the tumblers we registered for, and my aunt A gave me almost every bamboo thing I asked for (no cutting boards). My friends L2 and B gave me a gift card to Bed Bath and Beyond; N gave me some fun massage oils (!!! I have always wanted these!). M gave me handmade ceramic cereal bowls, and C gave me a bunch of cookie cutters (YAY!!! sweet cookie action!!!). My grandma got this giant wok, which looks super fantastic. And then, some of my married friends gave me... other things. :^P

Can I just say, pulling out progressively smaller lingerie from an "It's a Girl!" baby gift bag with your grandmother watching is an experience no true woman should go without.

So, yeah. Funtimes. I mostly had to write this down just so I could remember. It was a good time.

new job, w00t w00t

2008-12-10T23:10:00.000-08:00

So, my life at the EPA has gotten me somewhere! I was just accepted to help run the Utah Recycling Coalition, along with one of my best friends. I'm really excited to do everything I can to help the cause.

I guess I should explain some stuff, because I'm kind of an anomaly and I know it. Yes, I have been the chairman of the BYU College Republicans, yes, I have started conservative newspapers and written conservative articles for political reviews, and yes, I am an Environmental Science major. I'm also one of the few in my major who bothers to wear shoes. :^D

You know, I've read the studies and I've thought about it a lot. I don't believe in global warming, I believe it is a hype created by fascists who realize that war is no longer enough of a motivator to hold the American people together. I believe environmental scares are being used intentionally to take away American rights.

At the same time, I know that for a fact, a whole lot of things we do are not sustainable. For example, a personal issue is landfills. I hate them. Hence the strange recycling obsession. But it's not about global warming for me: it's about that paper in landfills compresses, and buildings on top of them collapse and kill everyone inside. It's about the methane gas that's released from landfills which hurts the innocent people around. It's about the fact that newspapers from a hundred years ago put in a landfill can still be read today if you dig them up. This is what we need to do: recycle our papers, plastics, metals, and glass, and for the rest, we should be introducing microbes to the landfill sites to break down the OM and returning it to the soil.

Amen.

Also, I firmly believe that there are way not enough conservatives out there who understand the mechanisms of the natural world--and there are certainly almost no politicians who understand the earth. In my ideal world, I would be one to set people straight as far as environmental policy. It's hard, because even at the most conservative university in the US, the eSci program is 98% flaming lib, but I know it's worth it, because I know I care. And the world needs more informed people who care.

So, that's my deal. I am head over heels excited to be up with the Utah Recycling Coalition. Maybe I'm crazy, but there we go.

insomnia moments

2008-12-10T00:02:00.000-08:00

Last night, I was up tossing and turning from 11 pm to basically 4, and then I woke up at 5, 6, 6:20, 6:40, 7, 7:20, and 7:40. Yeah, lame.

Tonight I was asleep by 10 pm, but now it's just barely 1 am and I feel like it's impossible to go back to sleep. I don't even know what to do with myself. Gah. Anyone got an Ambien lying around????

stress

2008-12-09T11:35:00.000-08:00

Hey everyone, happy Stress Week!

Things have been intense lately, hence the lack of bloggage. Suffice it to say, school + finals + projects + presentations + work + wedding prep = not a recipe for chillin.

But aw, I came out to my car yesterday to find that Carl had left me roses in the front seat from when he'd borrowed my car earlier. What a sweetheart. And even though this week is set to be a little torturous, well, hey: it's just a week. Then ten days at home, then Carl comes to MD for a few days, and then we're married. Happy day.

Anyway...

slowly and surely....

2008-12-05T14:51:00.000-08:00

getting there...

SOILS 282:
-answer all remaining hw questions
-study for final!

LAND USE PLANNING:
-study for final!

ECOLOGY:
-finish paper, turn in
-learn everything from the past 2 months from the ppt presentations because I only do crosswords in there
-Study for final!

GRAMMAR:
-learn everything I have no idea about yet
-practice sentences like a fiend

SOIL CONSERVATION:
-study madly for the final

WEDDING STUFF:
-order marriage license
-get temple recommend signed by stake president
-bridal shower

future long post!

2008-12-02T06:34:00.000-08:00

Hey guys! At some point, a post has to happen in like 12 million parts. I have about 12 million things to say, including items about my bridals, a weird dream I had about Michelle Obama, Thanksgiving, and some other things. But today I don't have the time.

Here is what I need to do before finals:

SOILS 282:
-answer all remaining hw questions
-evaluate the course
-turn in hw
-study for final!

LAND USE PLANNING:
-study for final!

ECOLOGY:
-finish paper, turn in
-learn everything from the past 2 months from the ppt presentations because I only do crosswords in there
-Study for final!

GRAMMAR:
-learn everything I have no idea about yet
-practice sentences like a fiend
-turn in hw sheet
-turn in Like sheet
-present on Harry Potter v. Twilight. Funtimes

SEMINAR:
-Done! Hooray!!

SOIL CONSERVATION:
-argue that I shouldn't be graded on homework... cuz I haven't done any
-study madly for the final
-finish up our soil key

WEDDING STUFF:
-order marriage license
-get temple recommend signed by stake president
-bridal shower

Oh boy.

If I can just make it until the 17th. Then I will fly away to Maryland and be fine. 17th. That's like 2 more weeks. I can do it. Seriously.

The surge worked

2008-11-23T07:49:00.000-08:00

This is what victory looks like

2008-11-22T12:31:00.000-08:00

Victory in Iraq Day

2008-11-22T12:17:00.001-08:00

As zombietime has put it:

Victory in Iraq

On this November 22, 2008, join us in observing Victory in Iraq Day.

Let us honor the sacrifice, dedication and sheer determination of American, coalition and Iraqi troops who have brought freedom to the nation and people of Iraq.

Although our governments have chosen to not name any official day marking the end of this war, we the people have taken it upon ourselves to commemorate November 22, 2008 as the day of victory over the forces of tyranny, oppression and terror in Iraq.

Join fellow bloggers and other members of the public in this virtual ticker-tape parade for our brave troops, to celebrate their success, to remember the fallen, and to declare, in the words of President John F. Kennedy (RIP):

"Let every nation know, whether it wishes us well or ill, that we shall pay any price, bear any burden, meet any hardship, support any friend, oppose any foe to assure the survival and the success of liberty."

And as John Galt put it:

"Blogger Zombie has taken upon itself to do what our current President should have done.

Declare Victory.

We have enforced the UN mandate. We have deposed, tried, and executed Saddam Hussein and brought justice to his henchman. We ended Iraq’s chemical and biological weapons programs. We have exposed the mass graves. We have made it possible for a representative government to form. We have made possible free and fair elections. We have trained new Iraqi security forces. We have sent untold terrorists to their virgins. Stores are open, girls are learning, there is a future.

War’s over. We, the supporters of liberty, won, and so did the Iraqi people. Our troops have done the impossible.

Does that mean Iraq is a perfect example of parliamentary democracy? Of course not. Name a war that we won where the immediate postwar situation was all smiles and sunshine. Iraq has a long way to go, but it now has a fighting chance to get there.

In a sane world, President Bush would be organizing tickertape parades, days of thanksgiving, etc. He won’t. Mr. Obama certainly won’t.

We need to do it for them."

consequences

2008-11-20T06:45:00.001-08:00

So this morning I woke up thinking about the two biggest RINOs I can think of: W, and McCain. Those guys are so lame. But anyway.

And I was thinking about how both of them entered into their presidential careers (or lack of careers) thinking that all their friendships with liberals would hold up. Both of them had spent so much time catering to the Left, they figured that the news media would celebrate them, and that their good Dem friends would still like them.

And to be fair, the news media did like them. The New York Times endorsed John McCain officially before he became the GOP candidate. And why? Because McCain is a leftist RINO.

But the fact is, the NYT, news media, and leftist friends all turned against McCain and W as soon as they became candidates. And obviously, no true conservative would ever support the two of them, on account of that neither of them are in any way right-wing. Well, W became that way--but McCain has always been that way. And the second he stepped into potential power, the Left reacted. And he had to kiss his friendships goodbye.

Of course, he was retarded, and tried to be the nice guy to his friends. And what did they do? Tear him apart until it was too late. I wish he hadn't spoken out against that GOP attack ad in Carolina. McCain is such a dolt.

But what led me to all that was thinking about my friends. I have so many friends with whom I disagree on almost everything--but I still love them. Most of my friends back home are lesbian atheists at this point, and you know I would die for them. I love them. But if I speak out for Prop 8, or whatever conservative thing I'm doing, they go crazy. And it kills me because, you know, I think they're all insane too, but I don't get in their faces about it. We're friends, you know?

And then it gets really ridiculous. Like my friends thinking I'm racist for having a reference to Jonestown. (Trivia: yesterday was the 30th anniversary of Jonestown). I mean, seriously? Just because they're too lame and uncultured to understand that reference. That reference is part of our culture! Jonestown changed so much in America, how can they justify not knowing about it! And then for them to feel justified in accusing me wrongfully... I hate stupidity. Wow. People need to read more.

Or, just recently on Facebook I posted my blogpost on "informed" Obama voters. One of my beloved friends got all wack about that too. She went on about how all voters are uninformed and it wasn't fair of me, etc. But the fact is: it's true we were all uninformed. But if everyone had known that Obama is friends with terrorists, that his runningmate was a plagiarist, that Democrats have been running Congress during the economy tank, don't you think things would be different?

Or what about how, in that interview, they asked the "informed" Obama voters about the 57-state thing? Or getting all their opponents disqualified? And all the voters assumed it was Sarah Palin because they'd only heard stupid things about Palin and had never heard the truth about Obama? That, to me, screams media bias.

And my friend got mad at me for pointing it out.

Look. I'm not a meanie. I'm vocal about my opinions and beliefs, but my opinions are always, always, always, always researched and if I'm willing to talk about something it's because I know I'm qualified to, having read about it from numerous sources. And yet my stupid friends are here trying to tear me apart, when they haven't even done any research. Can you say lame?

I guess the point of this post is, when you're a nice person and you have conservative opinions, perhaps it really is too much to hope for that your uninformed friends will still tolerate you, even if you love them. And what can you really do, but sulk about it and move on.

I guess when you have opinions, some people will ostracize you no matter what, even if you care about them despite their opinions. But what can you do?

OMGZ

2008-11-17T22:22:00.000-08:00

This video made my soul cringe. Please watch it to the end. It's amazing. Wow.

There's a documentary with this in it coming out sometime soon. I so need to see it. This is so screwed up.

Op, and update:

Zogby Poll

512 Obama Voters 11/13/08-11/15/08 MOE +/- 4.4 points

97.1% High School Graduate or higher, 55% College Graduates

Results to 12 simple Multiple Choice Questions

57.4% could NOT correctly say which party controls congress (50/50 shot just by guessing)

81.8% could NOT correctly say Joe Biden quit a previous campaign because of plagiarism (25% chance by guessing)

82.6% could NOT correctly say that Barack Obama won his first election by getting opponents kicked off the ballot (25% chance by guessing)

88.4% could NOT correctly say that Obama said his policies would likely bankrupt the coal industry and make energy rates skyrocket (25% chance by guessing)

56.1% could NOT correctly say Obama started his political career at the home of two former members of the Weather Underground (25% chance by guessing).

And yet.....

Only 13.7% failed to identify Sarah Palin as the person on which their party spent $150,000 in clothes

Only 6.2% failed to identify Palin as the one with a pregnant teenage daughter

And 86.9 % thought that Palin said that she could see Russia from her "house," even though that was Tina Fey who said that!!

Only 2.4% got at least 11 correct.

Only .5% got all of them correct. (And we "gave" one answer that was technically not Palin, but actually Tina Fey)

high school

2008-11-16T08:59:00.001-08:00

Stolen from Alishka!!

1. DID YOU DATE SOMEONE FROM YOUR SCHOOL? nope.

2. WHAT KIND OF CAR DID YOU DRIVE? I had no car! sad day :^(

3. DID YOU PASS YOUR DRIVER'S LICENSE TEST YOUR FIRST TRY? yep, thank goodness--my parallel parking left much to be desired

4. WHERE YOU A PARTY ANIMAL? obviously :^P ... just kidding. I think I went to one party during my entire high school career

5. WERE YOU CONSIDERED A FLIRT? nope, I was pretty reserved

6. WERE YOU IN BAND, ORCHESTRA, OR CHOIR? Choir--I was sort of the unofficial section leader of the Chambers altos, all four of us

7. WERE YOU A NERD? absolutely

8. WERE YOU ON ANY VARSITY TEAMS? does Chambers count?

9. DID YOU EVER GET SUSPENDED/EXPELLED? nope, i was too good :o)

10. CAN YOU STILL SING THE FIGHT SONG? never learned it

11. WHO WERE YOUR FAVORITE TEACHERS? Mrs. Salatto, Mrs. Itkin, Mr. Rattan, Mr. Safford

12. WHERE DID YOU SIT FOR LUNCH? the band or choir room

13. WHAT IS YOUR SCHOOL'S FULL NAME? Watkins Mill High School... aka The Mill

14. WHAT IS YOUR SCHOOL'S MASCOT AND COLORS? we were the Watkins Mill Wolverines. The colors were orange and blue

15. DID YOU GO TO HOMECOMING AND WITH WHO? Nope. I went to prom with a good friend.

16. IF YOU COULD GO BACK AND DO IT AGAIN WOULD YOU? Oh heavens. I hated high school.

17. WHAT DO YOU REMEMBER MOST ABOUT GRADUATION? I was the 560th person of 588 and it was so lame. We had it in the Daughters of the American Revolution Hall, right by the White House, and there were a zillion people in there. My high school vice principal cried when I graduated--like, she hunted me down afterwards and as she was congratulating me she cried and thanked me for being the only student that ever said hi or smiled at her in the mornings. It was sad. Hmm. And I think I sang something, like A Moment Like This or... the famous one from Wicked. It was the Wicked song, actually. My robe was white, which was a little lame because you could see the clothes underneath it. Even though people were supposed to not clap until the end, a bunch of really obnoxious families from East Village brought horns and clapper things and would scream when their homies crossed the stage. Ghetto? Uh, yah.

18. WHERE DID YOU GO SENIOR SKIP DAY? My senior semester, every other week had a senior skip day :o) Not officially of course, just in my head :o) You know, the nice thing about being the nice girl is that people just trust you. Everytime I got sick of class, I would just walk out of school and say hi to all the security guards. They would just let me go. And weird: when I went back to visit the Mill in April, one of the security guards called me by name and asked me how I was. I had no idea the security guards knew me that well.

Apparently we were like bffs or something.

19. WERE YOU IN ANY CLUBS? nope, but I did do Chambers and Drama

20. HAVE YOU GAINED SOME WEIGHT SINCE THEN? no!! yay!! I am now skinner than I was in high school!

21. WHO WAS YOUR PROM DATE? Josh D. He was a cutie and we're still friends. :o)

22. ARE YOU PLANNING ON GOING TO YOUR 10 YEAR REUNION? I think it would be super fun, but hard because I took half my classes and graduated with the year ahead of me--I was supposed to be class of '06, but I am class of '05, so that makes it harder. Maybe I'll go to two 10-year reunions! Mostly I would just want to go if I were famous by then

23. DID YOU HAVE A JOB IN HIGH SCHOOL? babysat handicapped kids for free

x.x;;

2008-11-14T21:38:00.001-08:00

Can't find my laptop charger. So you might not hear from me for a while.

Suck that they cost like $100.

x.x;;

because David tagged me

2008-11-13T10:13:00.000-08:00

David tagged me, and I love him, so here goes.

1. I am merely inches away from having Marilyn Monroe's dimensions. Woot. Currently at 37-27-37. She was at 36-24-34. Kind of, I am curvier than her. I am probably inordinately happy about that.

2. I really enjoy soil science. I'm writing this entry from the soils lab. To my left is a text on the interpretation of soil color, and to my right is an industrial laboratory ehrlenmeyer flask set and a syringe machine hooked up to some H2SO4 and some HCL. Yes, that makes me feel cool, LoL.

3. I like writing music. I started writing a new song just the other day, about rain.

4. My new boots only come up to my mid-calf (they're supposed to only be that high), and I'm getting giant blisters on my calves from it. Who knew you could get giant blisters on your calves??

5. The seventh letter of my middle name is E.

6. I'm getting married in 48 days!

7. Sometimes I really just want to drop out of school and get a real job.

TAG:
Carl
Chilly
Kismet Keeper
Alishka

And anyone else who wants to. :o)

i already blogged today, but....

2008-11-09T15:25:00.000-08:00

SO CUTE!!! I'm a leader in Nursery, and oh my goodness, I have the cutest little kids ever!! I made friends with a whole bunch today. I've been in there for a month, and they've finally started really getting attached. It's totally cute.

C was running his trucks into little L's face, since L was asleep on the floor. So I had to reprimand C (who's never been very nice anyway), and then L wanted to go to sleep on my lap. During singing time, I had L and G and T on my lap, and then C was running around trying to get on my lap too (sorry, my lap isn't that big), and it was so cute.

But here is the best part: when I left the room to get their snack, they all wanted to know where the Curly Hair Girl went.

Aw!! Yay! They don't know my name, but they know my hair and they care where I go. I have the best calling ever.

my favorite song

2008-11-09T11:40:00.001-08:00

Here is an old favorite song from high school, performed by one of my fave all-female a cappella groups, the Loreleis:

family!

2008-11-01T08:09:00.000-07:00

Yay family! My mom and nana and brother came out to visit me! They're all still here, too. Sammy has been having a rocking time, coming with me to all my classes. He concluded that classes taught by women are more interesting than classes taught by men. I was sad that he liked Grammar more than he liked Soils. Obviously soils is totally fun.

And with so many family members out and about this week, Carl and I have gotten to eat at Red Lobster twice! Yay! I have so many leftovers in my fridge. It is amazingly fantastic.

Well, the day count is down to sixty--only one month and thirty days until Carl and I are married faces (weird! weird!!). And I got permission to take 19 credits next semester, so I'll be graduating after all, no matter what Daddy thinks. Hooray. I'll be taking:

Persuasive Writing (3)
World Humanities from the beginning of time to the 1500's (it has a different name, actually) (3)
Intro to Organic Chemistry (2)
Doctrine and Covenants second half (2)
Soils and Water Conservation (3)
Logic and Deductive Reasoning (3)
Pesticides and Plants (3)

Is this not a quite exciting schedule? 19 credits, but the D&C course will be online, so I can finish that up during the first week of classes. Yay.

Anyway. Life is good. Stressful. Trying to make everything work. Oh boy.

LOVE!

how i know

2008-10-25T21:37:00.000-07:00

I am totally marrying the right guy.

This morning, he showed up on my doorstep with a red carnation--one of my favorite flowers! For no other reason besides that it was Saturday.

Then he stood around through two family functions--a football game of my little cousin (who doesn't really get football, he just skips around the field merrily), and a halloween party for my other little cousins.

Then he took me to Glenn Beck. We had seats in hte second row.

I ask: is this not true love?

Plus, I believe I found my wedding dress today. After several hours of trying things on, I found one that took my breath away. And not because it was too tight. We put a veil in--it was the first one I wore with a veil--and it was amazing. I started crying and so did Abigail (or so she claims).

I looked like a bride.

Guys, it was SO BIZARRE!!!

I'm getting married. Weird, weird, weird.

whoaaa

2008-10-24T04:13:00.001-07:00

SO TIRED! Got in last night late and then had to do tons of stuff, ended up staying up til almost 1 am. And now it's 5 am, and I have work, but secretly I think that after work I might just go home and sleep. Doesn't that sound lovely?

w00t midterms papers and stress!

2008-10-20T12:45:00.000-07:00

Life is intense! I've picked up another shift for this semester, T 2:30-5:30. So come visit me at Subway and I'll make you a sandwich, yo.

Stayed up really late, got up really early, and here are midterms and my wedding to plan, and papers, and everything else. Alishka, I'm still ruminating about your music, fear not! And I'll be fixing up these demos soon so you have something concrete to work with for Nov. 3.

Oh boy. Hi stress. How are you?

giveaway!!! and why people are awesome

2008-10-18T07:08:00.001-07:00

Hey kids! My dearest Alishka is having a FREE GIVEAWAY!!! And we are so excited about it and hoping we win the cookies. You should go and try it too, just for kicks!

Here are 10 reasons why Alishka is awesome:
1. She is absolutely gorgeous.
2. She is a fantastic dancer.
3. She has an eye for fashion/things that are good-looking. Yay!
4. She recently started adding z's to her words sometimes (albeit rarely), like I do in my LOLCAT fits.
5. She is all cuteness. ^.~
6. She has cool taste in music.
7. She believes in giving everyone a chance to show who they really are.
8. She has a concrete ability to appreciate the beauty in life.
9. She's a teacher, yo!
10. We totally met on gchat.

And since I said I would do it and haven't yet, here is why Chilly is awesome, too!
1. She is a rocking photographer.
2. She has such a fun sense of humor! It always catches you off-guard and is hilarious.
3. She is a total hottie.
4. She likes Nightmare Before Christmas.
5. She has a keen sense of awareness as to the awkward things in life.
6. She always sends me fun forwards and links to fun blogs.
7. She has a sweet job. Or maybe not a sweet job, but a job in a sweet location.
8. She is so sneaky! I love it.
9. She always has superfun ideas of things to do.
10. We met on Facebook. Awesome.

And of course there are SO many more reasons why those two of my dear friends are awesome, but for now, 10 reasons each will suffice.

a little better

2008-10-16T06:19:00.001-07:00

Okay. I think my mom and I sorted ourselves out.

Wow. Things can get really retarded really quickly, I think.

a

X.x;;;;;;

2008-10-15T16:03:00.000-07:00

ARGH! My mom and I are in a bit of a tiff. She's been working herself so hard that at this point, her life expectancy were she to lose her medication is about exactly the same as my brother's. Do you know how sick that is??

So I emailed her about this, asking her to please try to slow down, and she wrote back and was all like, "Ironic that you would ask me to slow down when you're planning a wedding that's taking so much of my money."

So I told her, then freaking nix the whole thing. I don't need a reception to get married. Here is what I need: a temple recommend and a marriage license.

Dang. It's moments like these that make me wish I were brave enough to just elope with Carl secretly and not even invite my dumb parents. What. Ever.

X_X

cool dream bit

2008-10-14T11:27:00.000-07:00

So I had this weird dream, which was very long, so I'll skip the story line. Here is what made the dream cool:

-the world was populated with a few people, but mostly these tall metal animal-people, shaped like people but with animal heads and made entirely out of shiny chrome. Also, they were 7 feet tall

-this world was also in a constant state of destruction and rebuilding. Everything was constantly barraged by whatever (stuff from the sky, etc), and the sidewalks and walls and houses would be destroyed, but instantly rebuild themselves

-I went to a hanging of a rhinoceros underwater, in a diving car

I so want to write a story about that world. Holy cow.

hmm

2008-10-11T07:49:00.000-07:00

Hi, it's snowing. Little snowflakes are rocking out to silence next to my window. It's pretty intense. Hi, October. What have you brought us now?

So. December 31. Looking at housing prices makes me and Carl realize how insanely poor we actually are. This calls for drastic measures.

Bank robbery.

Just kidding.

I'll probably get another job sometime. If I can get a night job teaching English, I could get my Teaching Certificate before I graduate, hooray. I hear Noman Global sucks but it's close and it pays okay. Hmm.

So yeah. Weirdness.

weddings weddings

2008-10-10T21:29:00.000-07:00

This morning Mr. Doozit and I went up to see our friends get married. It was cool. By cool, I mean about 35 degrees Fahrenheit. I was FROZEN!

I sat in the waiting room while they got sealed, and it was obnoxious how loud the waiting room was. People in Utah don't take the temple very seriously sometimes, I've concluded. I've never seen or heard so many people--even temple workers!--talking so loudly about so much random crap. Baseball, kids' grades, weekend plans... heard about 'em all. Ridiculous. It just makes me angry that people would be so irreverent in the temple. If they can't be respectful for God, could they at least be respectful of the people who want to be edified or feel the Spirit? Holee.

Anyway, it was such a powerful experience to go to the luncheon afterward. John and Lauren walked in the room, and they looked so good and gave off such good vibes I was a little shaken for a moment. And then it was shock: in 9 weeks, that'll be me and that Carl guy.

PS, kids, we moved up the date to December 31. Happy New Year! :^P

But yeah. It was crazy. I need to find a dress as hot as Lauren's was. Anyone like picking out dresses?

:^/

2008-10-07T20:58:00.001-07:00

I miss my daddy.

exploration on my dumb liar ex-friend

2008-10-02T11:24:00.001-07:00

She felt like a million songs.

A billion dancing notes fell in rivers through the valley of her mind, and the twisting rain of pelting sound fell with the force of falling trees.

But what is the reason? she asked, but silent, as watermusic swirled around her mind. Sunbeams would have fallen except for the night which fell instead.

For here is the question:

Where is the honesty in a broken promise?

Where is the kindness in a false word?

And where is the love in the voice of one who does not speak?

And all of a sudden the thunder became clear, as the singing stormwind raced up and down the scales of reason and of hope, intimating there were things to understand in his lies--

That even one who claimed to prize virtue and who promised he would always be there
can still be a liar.

She took a deep breath, and her inhalation stilled the music.

But she still felt like a million songs.

you don't know me, you don't know me

2008-09-30T17:08:00.000-07:00

Ben Folds wins the award for writing the song of the day. Minus the f-bomb in there, he so describes how I feel.

I ran into my beloved Huntress today (!) for a scheduled Meeting of Discussions and Luncheon, and we reminisced about our past days of yore. And it was sad to think of how much has changed since then--but at least I have her. This song is for my old friends, with whom I am friends no longer. For the reasons outlined in this song.

Yeah. Happy Birthday.

yakkity yak

2008-09-28T08:42:00.001-07:00

I have like a million things I feel I should write here. Oh well. Here goes:

1. I actually worked 19:15 hours this week. And talked to my boss about getting a raise. Apparently I already make as much as a student manager there, but he said we'd talk about it more on Monday because he thinks I deserve a raise, too. Hooray.

The downside of this all is that I had to wake up at 5 am every day this week, because I work opening! Whoo. Yeah. I love opening, but I also love staying up late with Carl. I think I may have to begin budgeting my time better. Alas.

2. Got a weird email from my last boyfriend yesterday. I mentioned in this group email about something else that I was engaged, just to let them know, because I figured those people would be offended if I didn't tell them. My ex wrote back with tons of bolds and exclamation points, which he's never done before, and was so quick to mention that he probably wouldn't be able to make it to the reception on account of his new semi-permanent residency in Africa. It was weird.

And I had a dream about another exboyfriend last night, in which he and I were actually friends, although he didn't like Carl. It was strange and it was strange to remember that all dreams process emotion that can't come out in real life. I guess I was processing the idea of his forgiveness? Since heaven knows he's incapable of forgiveness in real life.

3. Took engagement pictures yesterday with Alishka and Chilly! Hooray! And, of course, the Future King of the Internet. :o) It was good. I accidentally cut off a slice of my toe on the adventure, which made it extra adventurous. Alishka was a hero and asked a momlady for a bandaid; Carl was a hero and helped put the bandaid on and stop the bleeding; and Chilly was a hero because she was like me and helped calm me down. <3 <3 <3 It was intense, but all is well. My toe is bandaged now; thanks, Carl.

So, other than all of that. Took my first midterm on Friday, and now I have one or two more this week. Whoopee. My mom, Nana, and Sam are flying out to see me on Oct 29, which will be good, but it means that I have to get all my homework done and stuff before that, because we'll mostly be dress and invitation shopping. Even though I love the dress I designed, sad day. Oh well. I remember one time Abby and I went wedding dress shopping, and Abby looked SO GOOD in some of those dresses! Wow. So who knows what we will find.

Gah. I can't do Nursery with this toe. Mostly I just want to sleep. Bleh. Oh well.

long day

2008-09-24T22:44:00.001-07:00

on campus for 16 hours

it was long

just felt like saying hi to my blog

hi blog

tuesday

2008-09-23T19:21:00.000-07:00

Today has been ultimately strange. That's what I decided.

I got that girl onto the bus this morning. I felt so bad. She recently had hip surgery, and her wheelchair is kind of tight around the hips, and she cried when I put her in. They told me that would happen, but it was still kind of weird. Kind of hard. James doesn't cry. Like, ever. He cried once when we installed his gastric feeding tube, once when we cauterized his nose, and once while we were singing some Christmas carols (?). We couldn't figure that one out. Anyway.

So yeah. Class was fine. I learned about soil. Surprise. We learned that there is more air in the soil than there is air in the actual... you know, air. I promise that actually makes sense. O.o;;

Then I wrote my Brimhall essay and turned it in, and sent some stuff to my friend, and emailed people, and watched Carl read Moby Dick. LoL.

Well, peace

giving back

2008-09-21T19:59:00.000-07:00

Tonight as I was chatting with a million people, I got a phone call through my uncle's phone. It was the RS 1st counselor, with a mission for me.

There's a chick in the ward who's got a daughter with CP, who needs a babysitter. I volunteered weeks ago to help. They finally called me in for training just now.

It was so funny. The lady was all like, "My daughter doesn't have normal muscle tone. Carrying her is like carrying a sack of potatoes. She's 36 pounds! I'm not sure if you can do it!"

And I was like, "You mean she has muscular dystrophy? And psh, I've carried dystrophic people twice that weight." Bazam. Actually more than twice that weight.

And so now we are best friends and I have a new stewardship. Named Chenille. I take care of her on Tuesday and potentially Thursday mornings from 7:30-9 am. Cool. She even has my brother's wheelchair. And she has a feeding tube! This is like 100% my element, guys.

You know, I'm not a super huge fan of caring for the handicapped. Like, I'm a fan of other people doing it, but I've never just woken up and been like, geez, I really wish I could go lighten the load for some handicapped guy. You know? Honestly, as a younger sibling of one, I've been a little bit scarred. But I love my brother, and I'm excited to work with Chenille. I figure, what good would it have done to take care of James my whole life and then not use that knowledge to help someone else?

Or: some people ask, what is the meaning of life? But the truly wise ask, how can I make my life more meaningful? Where is the meaning when you don't use your past trials to benefit those around you?

Plus, I realized that I don't really mind SUPER handicapped people, it's just the sort of handicapped ones that bug me. Yeah, I'm a terrible person. Every day I give thanks that James can't really walk or talk.

But anyway. It feels good to be giving back.

And now I need to make FLASHCARDS!

enlightenment

2008-09-20T23:26:00.000-07:00

Tonight in the car I was blessed with enlightenment. PS, Idaho was good, but dusty, and I dug up and weighed like 10 million potatoes. And back to my enlightenment.

As I was dropping Carl off, I had a sudden flash of inspiration, that all the things that make my old group of friends so cool are all the things that kind of lead to why they're not married.

And I was pondering this on the way back to my house, and something hit me. It's a little difficult to explain in one go, so here.

One time, I got into this terrible car accident, and an ex-friend said that he thought I deserved it. At the time I was both horrified and delighted, and thought he was wrong. But now I know that he was right.

And here's the thing: I firmly believe that we all get exactly what we deserve. We live out our judgments in this life just as we will the next. God doesn't allow any unnecessary suffering for anyone; if you're suffering, it's because you have something to learn from it. I suffered that car accident because of the things I had to learn. And I did deserve it.

But on the other hand, I was thinking in the car, that also means that I deserve what is in my life now. Because we all deserve everything in our lives now, good and bad. I deserve it all.

It's like the great James Allen has said, nothing can come into your life except that which belongs to your soul.

It's a cool thought to think that Carl belongs to my soul, in a way. I deserve him.

On the other hand, I also deserve the homework for 19 credits of classes, and my mom being whack, and being poor, so there we go. I think it all balances out.

But anyway, so then, I realized, that once upon a time I traced how my entire relationship with Carl kind of goes back to that car. That car crash. How if I hadn't destroyed my car, I would have kept my job, which means I wouldn't have finished my first novel, which means I wouldn't have had a reason to talk to him really later--I mean, writing really brought us together, and that car accident that made me quit my job jumpstarted that for me.

And that's when it hit me: we all get exactly what we deserve every day. But all of the bad things that we once deserved but have moved on from? Those work together to bring us the best things we could ever hope for.

decision.

2008-09-16T19:53:00.003-07:00

I'm going on the field trip. I got my homework and papers done ahead of time and will just go and party it up with my soil taxonomy pals for the pre-weekend.

...yay

OPINION POLL

2008-09-14T20:55:00.000-07:00

Hey everyone! So, opinion question:

I'm allowed to go on a field trip this Thursday-Friday. Here are pros and cons.

PRO: I've never been farming before, and I'm sure it would be quite the adventure! How could I be a good Environmental Science major if I've never even tilled soil on a real farm?

CON: It's hard labor and it would be sweaty and gross.

PRO: It would be with some of my really good friends.

CON: It would not be with Carl.

PRO: It's a University excused absence.

CON: I would miss a test in my other Soils class, and a presentation in my English class, and the deadlines for 3 papers in 2 separate classes.

PRO: It would be working with dirt--and I really like dirt, actually.

CON: It's in Idaho.

PRO: It would give me experience.

CON: I would have to get to the parking lot at 5 in the morning.

Basically, there are lots of pros and cons. I usually make my decisions based on what I don't know. So typically, this is how it would go:

I know that if I stick around this weekend, I will check my email lots of times, I will do some homework and go to classes and chill.

I don't know what would happen if I went on this trip to Idaho.

And then I would choose Idaho because why bother living something you already know the end to?

Oh bother. I am so conflicted. Please leave your opinions below.

two thoughts

2008-09-14T15:48:00.000-07:00

Today at church I had two thoughts.

First: recently I was accused of immaturity, on the count that I act differently with different people. This is a true fact: I act differently around Carl than I do with you, and I probably act differently with you, whoever you are, than I do with random strangers and than I do with my best girlfriends or my parents.

And I was thinking about it, and I thought of singing. In singing, it's a terrible thing if your voice stands out. You're supposed to blend with the people around you, because it makes all of you sound better. You never change the overall sound of your voice, but you lift your soft palatte differently, change the shape of your lips on a certain vowel, or change where you hold your tongue. You retain your individuality while trying to match other people, for the sake of comfort and unity of the choir and audience alike.

My other thought had to do with modern revelation. I read the preface to the Doctrine and Covenants today, and that section is intense.

The opening verses:

" 1 Hearken, O ye people of my church, saith the voice of him who dwells on high, and whose eyes are upon all men; yea, verily I say: Hearken ye people from afar; and ye that are upon the islands of the sea, listen together.
2 For verily the voice of the Lord is unto all men, and there is none to escape; and there is no eye that shall not see, neither ear that shall not hear, neither heart that shall not be penetrated.
3 And the rebellious shall be pierced with much sorrow; for their iniquities shall be spoken upon the housetops, and their secret acts shall be revealed.
4 And the voice of warning shall be unto all people, by the mouths of my disciples, whom I have chosen in these last days.
5 And they shall ago forth and none shall stay them, for I the Lord have commanded them.
6 Behold, this is mine authority, and the authority of my servants, and my preface unto the book of my commandments, which I have given them to publish unto you, O inhabitants of the earth.
7 Wherefore, fear and tremble, O ye people, for what I the Lord have decreed in them shall be fulfilled."

This is intense stuff. The rest of the section is really intense. You can read it here.

Anyway. In RS we were talking about how so many people refuse to embrace the idea of modern revelation through prophets, instead embracing revelations of the far past, for instance, in the Bible. But even in the Church we do it, reading the Book of Mormon and even the D&C and using those to replace the words of the prophet every month in the Ensign. Why? My teacher posited that it's because people are more comfortable with the words of the past--the words of God today expose all the corruption of our beliefs and our society, and most people just don't want to deal with that.

Interesting.

!!!

2008-09-11T06:38:00.000-07:00

Carl and I are ENGAGED!!!!

He took me out to dinner at my favorite restaurant, and then we went to my favorite park, this Swedish park that was built over a hundred years ago. He gave me the love letter he owed me from when I won that reading contest, and then got down on his knee and popped the question. I cried and said yes. :o)

ps. weird ad

2008-09-09T07:45:00.000-07:00

So sorry I have weird ads on the side of this page. I have no idea why they are featuring their particular features. O.o;

strange day

2008-09-03T19:50:00.000-07:00

Today was so odd. Got 5 hours of sleep. Got up at 5, work at 6:30. Got off work at 10, had class from 10 to 4:30, and then worked until 7. All on less than 700 calories.

I'm a little tired, but I'm not really hungry, and I was actually happy and awake for the vast majority of the day, despite like 19304 emergencies at work.

What a strange day.

the best.

2008-09-02T23:19:00.001-07:00

Tonight may qualify as the best night of my life so far. Not because of the things that necessarily happened, but because of how I felt.

Top Five Experiences Of My Life
1. Going ring shopping with the guy of my dreams, and coming home to talk about everything
2. First kiss with said guy
3. His birthday, with me in MD
4. Starting at BYU--i.e., escaping from MD when everyone said I couldn't do it or I shouldn't do it :o)
5. Crying with Abigail that one time

Those are at least the ones I can think of right now.

Life is so good. Just stressful. I need to go to bed... work in 6 hours!

<3

what every woman needs

2008-09-01T23:02:00.000-07:00

I am utterly convinced that Carl is the best man in the world. Every woman needs a man like him.

The Checklist (in part)
-is strong
-can also be gentle
-has a good sense of humor
-incredibly good-looking
-a true gentleman
-is always willing to do anything to make you happier
-loves to make you smile
-is a good kisser
-likes your family
-has a cool family of his own
-makes an effort to be happy
-prioritizes you
-loves the Gospel

Basically, I am not convinced it is possible to be happier than I am right now.

Carl, you are amazing. :o)

Carl

2008-08-27T06:46:00.001-07:00

Carl is the best person ever. He totally showed up on my doorstep with flowers last night as a surprise for my birthday.

<3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3

because i am bored and kind of upset and can think of nothing better to do

2008-08-26T17:36:00.001-07:00

Ten Things I Wish I Could Say to Ten Different People Right Now:

1. All I can say is, I'm disappointed.
2. I miss you times the world and back.
3. I don't think I could express my love for you in a non-awkward way.
4. I'm really glad that we met.
5. Sorry I always think you're annoying. I still love you.
6. If I could keep you from getting broken, I would.
7. Look, I tried, okay?
8. You are the best aunt I could ever ask for.
9. I hope you're doing okay and I wish we talked more.
10. I wish you could forgive me. :^(

Nine Things About Myself:

1. I like reading.
2. My favorite books are non-fiction.
3. I tried honeysuckle stuff at Bath and Body Works today and it was amazing.
4. I love people easily.
5. I think it's important to take care of yourself.
6. I try to practice the piano and work out every day.
7. Secretly I wish I were vegan.
8. Not secretly I wish I were a millionaire.
9. I miss Carl. A lot. All the time.

Eight Ways To Win My Heart:

1. Kiss me on my forehead.
2. Tell me why you love me.
3. Listen to my ideas.
4. Have ideas of your own.
5. Tell me when you think I'm beautiful, or anything else good for that matter.
6. Play with my hair.
7. Give me flowers.
8. Hold me.

Seven Things That Cross My Mind a Lot:

1. Carl
2. The state of the union... the actual state, not the address
3. Books I've read
4. The sad condition of the world and its inhabitants
5. Energy therapy
6. That I should finish my novels
7. That it would be supergreat to be rich

Six Things I Do Before I Fall Asleep:

1. Brush teeth
2. Ponder whether or not to put up my hair
3. Get into PJs
4. Pray
5. Arrange my pillows meticulously for optimum pillow power (?)
6. Read in my goal journal and decide how much closer I've come to achieving my goals

Five People Who Mean a Lot:
Only five? Really? It goes without saying that this list is not all-inclusive, right?

1. Carl
2. Mom
3. Weasa
4. Sam
5. I dunno. Sven/Heather perhaps

Four Things You’re Wearing Right Now:

1. Shirt
2. PJ pants
3. Contact lenses
4. Toenail polish

Three Songs That You Listen to Often (Currently):

1. "Meanwhile, Rick James" by Cake
2. "Shadow Stabbing" by Cake
3. "Brandenburg Concerto Adagio" by Bach

Two Things You Want to Do Before You Die:

1. Go to Africa
2. Be a famous millionaire

One Confession:

1. Despite being super politically conservative, I'm actually just about 100% new age, at least when it comes to health and medicine.

oh and a bright note

2008-08-26T17:16:00.000-07:00

On the plus side, I had to buy smaller pants today. Also, I learned while reading Reviving Ophelia that if I had been my age in the 1950's, I so could have been a supermodel with my current body. Actually, I would have been skinnier than the average model.

That's always a pleasant thing to hear.

last day of teenagerhood

2008-08-26T11:39:00.000-07:00

My sister is out here visiting for the week. That's cool. We've been having lots of heart to hearts. She snores. I'm so tired.

Today is my last day of teenagerhood. Whoohoo. I always looked forward to being older, but now that I'm dating a guy who doesn't care, I realize I'd sort of rather be younger. Cool achievements are awesomer when you're still a teenager.

Here, a celebration of my teenage life:

13
-went to 8th grade, dropped out and moved to Austria

14
-started high school on my birthday
-made most of my good friends from home that I still have today

15
-took a bunch of insane classes, almost killed myself (figuratively)
-was Kate in Oklahoma!
-ran the house when my mom broke her ankle

16
-graduated early
-moved to UT
-started at BYU
-started dating Bobby
-was Lady Lucille in Once Upon a Mattress

17
-lived in 3 different wards
-became RSP
-stopped dating Bobby
-became in charge of the baking at Subway
-became a TA in the HFL cooking lab
-became the lab instructor for HFL 340: family meal management
-the best summer of my life

18
-started dating Kyle
-stopped dating Kyle
-joined CRs, SID, SFA
-changed major from PoliSci to English to EnviroSci
-moved to Sherwood
-roomed with Crys (yes, this was significant)
-started my illustrious career at Intercultural Outreach
-crashed my car, Nicholas
-started dating Eric

19
-stopped dating Eric
-started dating Carl <3
-became the chair of the largest CR group in the nation
-finished my first novel
-was hired to write a political book by this political firm guy
-interned at the EPA
-started my apprenticeship with my aunt--she's going to help me set up my own practice, guys! w00t

And wow. Tomorrow I'll be 20.

weird dream, etc.

2008-08-23T08:25:00.000-07:00

Last night I had the most bizarre dream. Arianna Huffington was making a movie about her life, and she chose me to be her costar. So we became friends on the set (?). I mentioned my plans for starting up a business, and Arianna was like, "sweet! My best friend is Paris Hilton. Let's go visit her in Cabo!" (Cabo was the setting of a movie I watched last night?) So we went down to Cabo and met with Paris Hilton, and we bonded, and she gave me all this random stuff, and then we left. And then I woke up.

It was weird.

In other news, it would feel weird not to blog about the other thing of importance in my life. Carl is getting back a week from today. I miss him so much, I can't really articulate it.

Oh, there are a million things I could say about that, but I won't. Suffice it to say, life is hard when your loved ones aren't near.

best advice ever

2008-08-19T11:07:00.000-07:00

From a book I read yesterday (ps, I read 2 books yesterday):

Write down the time and content of everything you eat on a daily basis for a week. This will make you more conscious of just how much you eat every day. When you see it written down in black and white, you will clearly understand why you are not at your target weight.

LOL. Best and truest advice I've ever heard. At least as far as weight management.

back in UT

2008-08-17T10:00:00.000-07:00

Hey kids, I'm back!

W00t.

Well, anyway, life is really good, and I hope you're all doing well. Love!

ew

2008-08-14T06:34:00.000-07:00

I have this blood blister on my toe that takes up like 1/4 of my toe.

It's so gross, guys.

well.

2008-08-13T10:30:00.000-07:00

I always hate it when other people don't update their blogs, and I just realized I'm becoming one of them!

Yipes!

As you can see, what was once an OK GO-themed blog has evolved into a Venus Hum-themed blog. Birds and Fishes is one of the best songs ever, just FYI.

Things have been quite bizarre lately. I've been moving, ending jobs, getting new jobs, trying to sort out my life, writing, reading, studying, pondering.

My brother is doing really poorly. He's had these problems before--bladder failure, eyes going in different directions and rolling back in his head, more seizures than usual, etc., but he's never looked the way he does now. Usually when he's sick he just looks... like, you know, he hates being sick. He's a pretty happy guy most of the time, even when he's on the brink of death.

But for the past three days he just has looked so miserable. He looks actively angry, sad, upset. I've never seen those faces on him before for such a long time. Frustration, yes, but not this sort of prolonged misery.

Honestly, it's disturbed our whole family. I actually am supposed to call and tell my grandparents about it because my actual parents can't psychologically handle explaining it when they still have responsibilities at work.

Meh. So life's kind of weird. I listen to ABBA a lot, although I saw Mamma Mia! the other day and it sucked. One of the few things in my life that have actually changed my life for the worse, LoL. Oh well.

My newest novel is coming along pleasantly, I may get to live at my aunt's house for the school year, and I get to see my Secret Lover and my True Love of Romantic Ballads in just a little while. I can so make it.

on the farm

2008-07-26T18:21:00.000-07:00

The pond was clear.
Frogs and fish and
Sunlight dancing on the raft
Where we all floated
Content to let the light kiss our shoulders and
The breeze do our hair

And the butterflies came
To sing to us and land
On our feet
And remind us that even when
Merciless Time calls

We are still laughing at the pond
Somewhere in eternity

Sixteen Tons.... no kidding

2008-07-21T14:44:00.000-07:00

Some people say a man is made outta mud.
A poor man's made outta muscle and blood.
Muscle and blood, skin and bones;
A mind that's weak and a back that's strong.

You load sixteen tons an' what do you get?
Another day older and deeper in debt.
St Peter don't you call me I cause can't go:
I owe my soul to the company store.

Well, if you see me comin', better step aside.
A lotta men didn't; a lotta men died.
One fist of iron, the other of steel.
If the right one don't get you, then the left one will.

You load sixteen tons an' what do you get?
Another day older and deeper in debt.
St Peter don't you call me I cause can't go:
I owe my soul to the company store.

random poem?

2008-07-17T20:12:00.000-07:00

Love
Like the greensilver branches of the willow tree
That always grew where the water pulsed through the soft earth
Branches shading the wetland grass in lines like windowshades

Drinking in the sunlight of a little girl's laugh
Taking in the breath that only comes from song
And when the hurricane comes and winds grow strong
Roots are stronger,
Sylvan fingers reach into the depths of Life itself
Holding onto all that Love is

Because storms may tear the branches that stretch
And the trunk that winds

But trees can grow back after the storm
With the right roots

oh noes

2008-07-14T03:21:00.000-07:00

H and I just pulled our own for realz all-nighter. Like, we've been up talking all night, and in 20 minutes I have to get on the Metro back to work. Not a wink of sleep since yesterday, and on Friday night we did the same thing.

This is highly unwise. Good thing I'll be getting back to my apartment tonight... I need the sleep.

happy

2008-07-10T14:50:00.000-07:00

A lot of things have been going on right now for me. I haven't updated here in a while so I just thought I would say that.

I dunno. There are a zillion things I've had to think about lately, and while it has the potential to be really stressful, it is amazingly not that way at all. I wonder if that's how life is supposed to be all the time: natural and simple and obvious, and filled with people you love and people who love you. When I think about today, and the past few days, I just have to remember that scripture in 2 Nephi: Men are that they might have joy. In a way, even though all I really did today was write and think, I feel I have expressed my purpose to the fullest.

Oh man, guys. I am so deep... :^P

5

2008-06-29T12:06:00.000-07:00

The Five Tag

5 years ago: I was going to be a sophomore in high school. Spent a lot of time babysitting.

5 Months Ago: Started dating the future King of the Internet

5 Things on my to-do list

1. Finish The Price We Pay for Paradise
2. Read Fleeced
3. Pack for Oregon!
4. Paint my nails
5. Uh...

5 Snacks I enjoy:
1. Tortilla chips with fresh limes and guacamole and salsa
2. Salads
3. Peppers
4. Strawberries!
5. Cheetos, apparently

5 Things I would do if I were suddenly a billionaire:
1. Buy the house of my dreams
2. Pay off my parents' house
3. Buy my own recording studio to put in my basement
4. Finish paying for my education
5. Donate to... the Chaffetz campaign

5 of my BAD habits:
1. Biting my cuticles
2. Hating on liberals all the time
3. Forgetting to put on bandaids over my blisters when I walk to work
4. Spending time at work chillin on ThePeoplesCube
5. Taking stupid surveys like this instead of finishing things on my to-do list

5 Places I have lived:
1. East Village, MD
2. Whetstone, MD
3. Wien, Osterreich
4. Provo, UT
5. Washington, DC

5 Jobs I have had:
1. SPCC Specialist
2. Campaign Strategist
3. Senior Baker
4. EPA Grant Manager
5. Lab Instructor for HFL 340

5 things people don't know about me:
1. I can't stand pickled beets
2. I have a minor obsession with alternative medicine
3. I spend about 2 hours a week in bookstores, just perusing
4. I am allergic to adhesive, mildew, and hydrocodone
5. I just bought the cutest dress ever!

let's dance to joy division

2008-06-26T18:00:00.000-07:00

Everything seems kind of surreal right now.

Magritte painted of the treachery of image. How do we even know that the entire world isn't some sort of treacherous image? What if it all turned out that everything you had trusted was there was really just all in your mind?

There are so many things to think about.

Go ask for Joy Division,
And celebrate the irony,
Everything is going wrong,
But we're so happy,
Let's dance to joy division,
And raise our glass to the ceiling,
'Cos this could all go so wrong,
But we're so happy,
So happy.

Have ye not known? Ye shall have a song.

2008-06-20T19:49:00.000-07:00

Have ye not known?
Have ye not heard?
Hath it not been told to you from the beginning?
Have ye not understood from the foundation of the earth?
Ye shall have a song, as in the night when a holy solemnity is kept--
Ye shall have a song, and gladness of heart,
As when one goeth with a pipe,
To come into the mountain of the Lord.

Sometimes only songs are good enough.

missing choir :o(

2008-06-17T16:22:00.000-07:00

I was trying to find this amazing rendition of Cantate Domino I sang once with my chamber choir. It was in 7/8 and half in English and just the most beautiful, bizarre, crazy hymn in the world. It starts out with just the men, and then there's just the women, and then they all join together in this really fast chanting, changing keys like there's no tomorrow, and there's this amazing swell in the middle that just has the sopranos and altos sliding all the way up the scale and then back down again, going from loud and high to soft and low and still all this chanting. The end starts quietly and then with every beat gets louder and louder until before you know it, the end is fortississimo and your ears are just drowning in sound.

But anyway, I found this rendition of a completely different Cantate Domino, and while it is SO not as exciting as my one, it's good.

Another high school favorite:

An All-State favorite:

And another:

And another, except I could only find it solo version instead of like 10 parts (this one is from Evening Primrose, my favorite musical that I've never seen, where this girl is stuck in a department store, doomed to be the slave to these living manikins and they won't let her out):

brother

2008-06-15T15:40:00.000-07:00

Came home on Friday, played with Sam and Heather until 2 am, just like the olden days. Left early the next morning and spent the weekend in NYC. Saw a movie. Babysat. My cousins are cute.

Came home, was asked to feed my brother. There was so much blood running out of a burn adjacent to his stomach I couldn't do it. Couldn't even see the original wound. We bandaged it but there's nothing we can do about it.

I just wonder how that is happening. Is the acid burning through everything to the point where it's just that the membrane is so thin blood can just seep out through his skin? When will it be such that he can't hold a tube in at all and his guts just flow out? What could anyone even do about it?

The medical world has never seen this before.

I went to this link I found on wikipedia, and it was really depressing.

velveteen rabbit

2008-06-09T18:52:00.000-07:00

I would give all my sins just to be with you
to look into your soul
and see what makes you go

:^/

2008-06-08T18:06:00.001-07:00

I was in the kitchen today while my mom was doing the laundry.

She lifted up one of James' shirts. The part that covers his tube was covered in blood.

The past few days, we've kept the area bandaged but it doesn't seem to help. Actually, it only ever gets worse.

And I just have to wonder: how long can that last?

hair cut

2008-06-06T08:28:00.001-07:00

Got my hair cut. It's not exactly what I was wanting, but whatever. She straightened it.

It was funny because the whole time she was like in awe of how healthy my hair is. Well, duh. Here is the trick: only shampoo your roots, and only do it once every 2-4 days. Condition the rest every day. Never brush it, never straighten it, and never dye it. Counter-intuitive, yes. But these are the tricks that will make your hair healthy and beautiful.

So then she shampooed the whole thing and brushed it and straightened it, and also blow dried it. All my no-nos. Oh well. The nice thing about straight hair is that you can run your fingers through it.